


Behind The Mask

by Rennabibi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Mind Reader, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Comedy, Depression, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rennabibi/pseuds/Rennabibi
Summary: Renjun's ability to read minds was both parts a blessing and a curse. It made him confident over his opinion of people, always aware of their true intentions with him. But in the rare occurrences where he stuck around a chosen few, it made it easy for him to identify the exact moment their thoughts and feelings towards him began to change. In those moments, Renjun wished he could have stayed blissfully ignorant rather than get his heart broken.Either way, he didn't know how to deal with life without relying on it.So when Jeno appeared in his life, offering nothing but a sweet smile, polite words and an eerie silence accompanied with even weirder feelings. Renjun found himself stuck between wanting nothing to do with the boy and needing to know everything about him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 37
Kudos: 162





	1. Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Long story coming your waaay!! I hope you stick for the ride :DD  
> I am super excited for this story I hope y'all enjoy  
> ... What do people even say here ?? Happy reading ?? :))

"So?" Donghyuck asks looking expectantly at Renjun, Mark following suite with his big, big, hopeful eyes. Renjun averts his eyes from the two, scratching at his arm nervously. "Not to disappoint but that's a definite no from me."

Mark falls back on the couch dejectedly while Donghyuck punches at the air in frustration. "Why? why? why?"

Renjun bites his bottom lip guiltily, watching Donghyuck whine about how they will never find the perfect flatmate and how they will fall short with rent and end up being kicked to the streets. Mark tries to calm him down, patting his back comfortably. "I am sure it won't get to that. You shouldn't worry"

"Easy for you to say, you don't even live here." Donghyuck sighs before turning back to Renjun. "What is it this time though? Cause my standards have hit rock bottom. I can accept whatever weird quirk he has, heck I might even consider a serial killer at this point. And I doubt he was worse than that."

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Well you might wanna reconsider, cause he was homophobic as fuck."

"Another one?" Donghyuck groans. "How many of those are there? I am tired of them."

"This is the fifth one we got, so if my math is right, it's five outta five. I think we hit jackpot" Mark laughs before screaming when Donghyuck pushes his laughing face away. "This is not a joke Mark, This is my life."

Jaemin peaks from behind his room's door, eyebrow arched at the commotion. "Any luck, guys?"

"No" Renjun screams back. "They all suck."

Jaemin hums uninterestedly, as though this whole ordeal doesn't concern him. "Well, better luck with the others I guess." and he slams his door shut again.

"Yeah, no, I don't think I can do this another time." Mark complains. "I can only take so much of acting gay with Donghyuck."

Renjun snickers. "Understandable"

Donghyuck smacks Mark who's sitting beside him on the arm, sending Renjun the stink eye. "We're literally dating! I am your boyfriend, asshole."

Mark pouts. "I am sorry babe, but you know what I mean. You know I don't like to act affectionate around strangers."

"We know." Donghyuck and Renjun say in unison before the latter adds. "If you have a better way of doing this, then please enlighten us." Mark inhales deeply, trying to think of something else, and as he is about to suggest something, Renjun cuts him off. "Me acting like Donghyuck's boyfriend is out of question."

Mark staggers. "I have nothing then."

Donghyuck checks his phone, ignoring his boyfriend's antics. "We only have one meet-up left today, so let's just hope for the best and quit the complaining-"

"Look who's talking" Renjun butts in, smiling mischievously when Donghyuck glares at him before continuing. "-as I was saying, let's just hope for the best, and Renjun, if you hear them complain about something stupid, like I don't know, the numerous paint stains on the coffee table, no you didn't."

"Listen," Renjun exclaims. "I don't give a fuck what some random dude thinks of our coffee table, I heard worse from Jaemin and I was still fine with him. But seriously, the moment you two hold hands or start acting coupley it's like sirens blowing up. So yeah, you have no place complaining when I am the only one listening to these horrific homophobic remarks."

Donghyuck deflates, looking a mixture of apologetic and exasperated. "Yeah, yeah I am sorry. I am just tired and cranky."

"We all are." Mark interjects. "This is exhausting for all of us, more-so Renjun, so it would be good if we don't add on to each other."

They all easily agree to that, falling into a heavy silence as each get lost in thought, or at least Mark and Donghyuck do, while Renjun tries to ignore his friends trains of thoughts and not dwell on all the stupid shit he had to hear all day. His attempt goes futile and he sighs, standing up from his place and receiving curious stares from the other two. "What's up?" Donghyuck attempts to ask casually but his tone comes out rather concerned.

"Nothing, nothing." Renjun reassures with a nonchalant wave of his hand. "I just want some alone time before having to meet the next person. You know, clear my mind a little."

"Oh yeah, of course. Don't worry about it. I will call you up when it's time."

"Thank you." Renjun says softly, smiling fondly to himself when all he can make up while going to his room is words of encouragement from Mark and appreciation from Donghyuck.

Donghyuck's knocks come earlier than Renjun would have liked them to, especially since he has almost successfully dozed off. "Coming." He says through a yawn, checking his phone for the time and sighing when he sees that he has some few minutes to spare. Renjun spends these minutes still cuddled up in bed, willing himself to what he foresees coming. His precious moments of silence and calm come to a quick end when he hears the sound of their doorbell, and suddenly his friends' fretful thoughts are so loud he can faintly hear them through the wall between them. This gets him moving, regrettably leaving the warmth and comfort of his bed, and into the harsh and unknown territory of his living-room. And as he catches this overly dramatic thought of his, he feels rather glad that he's the only one that can read minds in their household.

Renjun tentatively opens his door, his friends' thoughts become immediately loud once he walks into the hallway separating him from the living room, yet there's a lack of a third, unfamiliar, stream of thoughts. This confuses him, because telling from Donghyuck's thoughts alone, who must be scrutinizing the new guy, the latter is clearly there. Renjun gulps, ignoring the weird feeling at the pit of his stomach and making his way to the living room. Maybe the new guy's thoughts were just more quiet than others, he tries to comfort himself, or perhaps they were nothing special, and were being lost in the mess going through his mind right now; since Renjun heard everyone's thoughts as if they were his own, the tones were rarely different. To his complete bewilderment, there's indeed a stranger sitting in their couch, smiling politely at the couple sitting in front of him. And as Renjun walks closer to them, it stays insanely quiet on his part. Differentiating between Mark and Donghyuck's thoughts becomes easier to him the more he approaches them, and yet there are still no thoughts coming from the stranger.

This has never happened to him.

He walks cautiously towards them, forcing a smile that he hopes doesn't look like a weird grimace once the eyes of their potential roommate fall on him. "Hi, I am Renjun," He introduces himself, sticking his hand for a handshake. "It's nice to meet you."

The guy in front of him smiles as he returns the handshake. "And I am Jeno. It's nice to meet you as well."

Renjun isn't sure if he returns the smile, as he dazedly falls on the one seat couch. He stares at Jeno in utter and complete confusion, a hint of fear underneath all of that. He was used to always know what people thought of him upon their first meeting; Their first impression of him, an unneeded off comment about him, or even a weird random thought about themselves. But with Jeno, there was nothing. Just complete silence paired with kind smiling eyes and a firm handshake. And Renjun is positive this is the weirdest he has ever felt in his entire life.

The conversation mainly flows between Donghyuck and Jeno, usually Renjun would be focusing on the other person's thoughts, their reaction when Donghyuck explains their living arrangement and what they expect from them while also trying to gauge any weird thoughts of theirs, mainly ones of discomfort towards Mark and Donghyuck. Renjun doesn't actually like doing this, since he dislikes invading people's privacy -even though there's no helping it in his case-. But he would rather break some of his rules than live with someone who's homophobic, when that can ruin their already hectic lifestyle. And while Mark doesn't even live there, it seemed to be the best way to do this to them; especially with how Jaemin wanted to stay out of anything related to this whole ordeal. But with no thoughts to listen to, Renjun finds himself staring at Jeno's side profile in puzzlement, and the more he stares at him the more he feels foreign feelings, ones that seem to be matching Jeno's current feelings but with no context, no concrete thoughts to link them with, like a movie with no script. And not knowing what is really happening behind Jeno's bright eye-smile drives Renjun crazy.

Jeno turns to him at some point, as if aware of the stare that has been burning that one side of his face. And when his eyes lock with Renjun's, he tilts his head in question, smile never leaving his face. Renjun returns it between tightly pressed lips, aware of Donghyuck's and Mark's confused stares that are now also directed at him. "Is there something wrong?" Renjun finally asks, feeling self-conscious when no one speaks up.

Jeno's smile turns into one of reassurance. "Ah, you must have not heard us. Donghyuck has said that he's done with what he wanted to ask for the most part and so I was wondering if you had anything you wanted to say. Since you have been.." He trails off sheepishly.

"Awfully silent. It's okay. You can say it." Donghyuck deadpans.

"Oh." Renjun mutters, unable to make up any words with how loud his friends' thoughts are, rendering them and his own thoughts absolutely incoherent. "I- I am sorry, I suddenly started feeling unwell. But I am sure Donghyuck covered it all so I don't think there is anything to add anyway." He mentally pats his back when he succeeds in stringing that sentence together.

"Ah, I am sorry to hear that."

Renjun doesn't know if Jeno IS sorry to hear that or if he's only saying it to be polite, and he's surprised at how much such a small detail can irk him.

"Alright then," Donghyuck chimes in, thankfully averting Jeno's stare off of Renjun. "I think this would be all then. It has been great chatting with you Jeno, and we will hopefully be in contact with you soon."

_ Why am I making this sound so professional for no reason? We are offering a room, not a job for goodness sake _ . Renjun chuckles quietly at Donghyuck's passing thought, comforted with the familiarity it brings.

"I will be waiting then," Jeno says as he stands up. "Thanks for having me." He smiles one last time before making his way towards the front door, Mark unnecessarily following after him to show him the way even though the hallway to the front door is a few steps from the living room.

Donghyuck turns to Renjun as the other two leave, immediately cutting to the chase. "Okay, so what's up with you?"

"I don't- I don't know." Renjun mumbles, eyes unfocused while he tries to differentiate his thoughts from Donghyuck's.

"Did Jeno think something weird right off the hook?" Donghyuck frowns when Renjun shakes his head but doesn't follow that with anything. "I mean from just talking to him, he seems pretty chill and laid back. Plus, he's honestly the best we talked to all day. If you weren't acting weird I would have told him we're fine with him today before tomorrow. But since you would know better than me I didn't say anything" Donghyuck looks expectantly at Renjun, awaiting a response from him that never comes. Mark quickly joins them before Donghyuck gets to pester Renjun more, a deep frown on his face, matching his boyfriend's.

He sits on the couch arm where Renjun sits, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Yo, jun! What's up with you?"

"I don't know." He whines.

Donghyuck kicks his legs in frustration. "Is that all you know how to say?"

"Seriously Jun, did Jeno say something really out of pocket?" Mark's question turn Donghyuck thoughts from annoyed to concerned, and suddenly Renjun can't tell his friend's thoughts apart. 

He groans, dropping his face into his hands as he tries to ignore the concerned thoughts, polluting his mind, that aren't his,. "Renjun," Donghyuck calls softly, running a calming hand against the other's back, and he must be trying to suppress his thoughts, because the mess in Renjun's head is suddenly subduing, Donghyuck's calming voice affecting even Mark's thoughts to slow down. "If you don't want to talk about it then it's fine, but if you do then you need to tell us what's wrong so we can help you."

All they get from Renjun is a sigh, but he doesn't make a move to leave, which is an invitation in itself. "is it Jeno?" Mark carefully asks, biting his lower lip in worry when he receives a nod of affirmation.

"Was it his thoughts?" Donghyuck questions, adding to himself. "It must be something messed up cause you were fine with all the shit from the other guys."

"Well," Renjun finally says, raising his head from his hand but avoiding either of his friends' gazes. "It was his thoughts. Or should I say, lack of?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short first chapter but I am planning to update this week or the next one!!  
> I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to hear what you think of it so far and if you have any guesses to why Renjun can't read Jeno's mind. You'll get to find out what Donghyuck guess in the next chapp!!


	2. Body Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how time passed and it's almost two weeks since I posted this story 💔 I am sorry I took this long to update and thank you for all the support!! I hope you enjoy this as well 
> 
> Happy reading :))

_"It was his thoughts. Or should I say, lack of?"_

"Huh?" The two mutter simultaneously and if Renjun isn't feeling so overwhelmed he would have laughed at their reactions and the dumbfounded expressions adorning their faces.

"For whatever reason, I couldn't hear his thoughts!" Renjun finally exclaims. "Nothing! Just eerie silence and weird feelings I am not sure what to associate them with."

"Woah," is all Mark could say, Donghyuck on the other hand gasps loudly, "Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I am joking?" Renjun retorts rather aggressively, feeling bad when Donghyuck coils at his words. "Look, I wish I was joking. But as unbelievable as it sounds, that's what happened. And it felt just so so so weird, I don't know how to act anymore."

Donghyuck nods in understanding. "Yeah, yeah, I got you. I mean you have been able to read everyone's mind your whole life. I can't imagine how strange it is to meet someone and hear nothing of their thoughts, only getting the exterior facade they choose to show you."

"Damn," Mark finally interjects. "It's like suddenly losing one of your senses but with one person only."

Renjun snaps his head to look at Mark, staring at him with amazement. "That's exactly how it feels! I couldn't have worded it any better."

"What does this mean though?" Donghyuck mumbles as though talking to his own self, but the other two hear him, falling silent in thought.

"Another mind reader?" Renjun suddenly exclaims in bewilderment after catching a certain thought. "Really, Hyuck?"

"Seriously, think of it for a second. You never experienced this so whatever this is must be rare. And we know you never met another mind reader, and there is nothing that states that you are the only mind reader in existence-"

Renjun fakes a pout. "Are you saying I am not special?"

"W-what? of course not." Donghyuck quickly denies, rolling his eyes when both Renjun and Mark laugh at him. "I am trying to help you and this is what I get?"

"Hey, I am just trying to lighten the mood." Renjun mumbles dejectedly, pouting for real this time.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes one again, trying to suppress an endeared smile. "You were going through a whole meltdown a moment ago and now you find it in yourself to joke?"

"It's my coping mechanism," Renjun whines. "leave me alone."

"Guys, you're really straying away from the issue now." Mark reminds. "But like going back to our point, Hyuck's explanation kind of makes sense."

Donghyuck smiles in triumph. "Thank you, love."

Renjun pretends he doesn't see Mark blushing at the pet name as if he hasn't been dating Donghyuck for nearly two years, nor hear their mushy thoughts about each other as if Renjun isn't sitting right there. "I mean, yeah it does make sense. But, could it be that simple? If this is really what's happening then he would have not heard my thoughts either, and acted weird like I did. But, like you said earlier Hyuck, he was super chill. Too chill."

"What the hell is too chill?" Donghyuck questions in exasperation. "You are just saying this cause you were freaking out and embarrassed yourself."

"Watch it, Donghyuck Lee." Renjun warns. "I know all your secrets."

"Says the goody two shoes that doesn't wanna use his powers for evil."

Mark sighs at the two. "Can we please have one normal conversation that doesn't derail to pointless arguments?"

"No." Both Renjun and Donghyuck say in sync, smirking as they high-five. "Childhood best friend shit" Donghyuck claims as Renjun chuckles.

Mark rolls his eyes at the antics of the two friends. "Doesn't explain why you're both so infuriating, but I digress. Going back to our conversation, for hopefully the last time, If Donghyuck's theory is right, then maybe Jeno has met mind readers before, that's why he didn't act as weirded out as Renjun? This might be common for him."

"Why are you both making so much sense today?" Renjun asks in astonishment. "I don't think I have ever seen you work this many braincells. Like ever. Heck, I didn't even think you had more than one shared braincell."

"Now you're just being mean." Donghyuck complains.

"Nu-uh, I am not letting you start this shit again." Mark exclaims, checking his wrist watch. "It's almost dinner time and me and Donghyuck are going out, so let's decide what to do with this before we have to head out."

"Well, we are just gonna ignore that this has ever happened and never call Jeno back." Renjun states assuredly.

"What? WHyyyyyy?" Donghyuck wails. "He was the coolest and also only decent one. I can't give up on him."

Renjun raises his eyebrow. "Do you want a complete stranger possibly hearing your thoughts?"

Donghyuck hesitates before saying. "I mean we will just not interact with him, if Jaemin can pretend we don't exist, we can do the same to Jeno."

Mark purses his lips at his boyfriend's words. "I don't think that would work as good as you envision it to do."

"Why not?" Donghyuck pouts. "Jeno wouldn't hear Renjun thoughts either way and Jaemin can live blissfully in ignorance, unaware of the two mind readers under his roof. While for me, I'll just avoid him or block my thoughts to the best of my abilities."

"I don't know, I am not too comfortable with this." Renjun confesses.

"Umm, okay. If that's the case then we can ignore this whole ordeal like you want. And hopefully better people come around." Donghyuck smiles genuinely when Renjun's uncertain eyes fall on him and that's all it takes to calm the latter. "I hope so too."

Mark exhales deeply, standing up from his spot by Renjun's side. "Now that that's dealt with, we really have to go, plus I think some alone time is needed for you right now, Jun."

Soon after the couple leave, and heading by Mark's words, Renjun retreats to his room for some rest, deciding to update Jaemin on their lack of progress when he crawls out of his room for some food at some point of the night. Certain to find the other awake whenever that would happen.

Renjun sleeps without ever crawling to get food, so he has to break the news of their non progress to Jaemin during breakfast. The latter looks more interested with his cup of coffee and his need to drink it in peace than whatever Renjun is saying, a particular thought of his about really not wanting to do this so early in the morning is what drives Renjun away from the kitchen, giving up on any attempt of small talk he was planning to do.

  
  
  
  


Their next days are spent answering calls from interested people that saw one of their online posts or found about it from word of mouth, and soon they were ready to do another round of meet ups. This time, Renjun feels more confident, certain that things can't be worse than the previous time. But they end up going the same way. Guilt eats him up every time he has to relay to Donghyuck that the person they just talked to didn't meet half if not any of their standards. His guilt soon turns into confusion when Donghyuck doesn't look as annoyed or surprised whenever Renjun tells him that.

At some point Mark leaves off to the kitchen while they wait for the next guy to come around, and that moment of clarity where Renjun's mind isn't so cluttered with intrusive thoughts, especially Mark’s, is when he hears Donghyuck think, ' _Jeno was better anyways_ '.

"What?" He blurts in surprise, the word escaping his lips without a second thought.

"What?" Donghyuck retaliates before realizing that his friend must have heard his last passing thought, but even as realization dawns on him he decides to act oblivious to it. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Renjun opens his mouth and closes it, awed at his friend's shamelessness. "dude, I still can hear your thoughts. I _know_ you know why I am looking at you this way."

 _Yeah, well I like to pretend you don't hear me so I can think in peace! Sue me_ , Renjun rolls his eyes at his friend's challenging arched eyebrow. "If you wanna live in delusion then there isn't much I can do. But you really gotta stop comparing everyone that we talk to with Jeno, you're just signing yourself up for disappointment."

Donghyuck falls back on the couch, laying on his side and hugging one of the throw pillows close to his chest. "I know! But, I can't help it. He just seemed too perfect and now everyone pales in comparison."

"I didn't get to hear his thoughts though. He could have been planning on murdering us while smiling that sweet smile of his."

"Now, aren't you dramatic?" Donghyuck remarks offhandedly.

"I am just looking out for us." Renjun replies even though he knows his best friend doesn't actually mean it.

"Look," Donghyuck starts, locking eyes with Renjun when the latter does as asked. "I know you are not used to this, but us normal people that can't know what others think of twenty four seven, usually have to depend on our gut feeling and the impressions people leave on us to make judgments on them. And while I can get some feedback from you, this is how I, and everyone else, interacts with people when we don't have a mind reader friend sitting by us. And although my gut feeling can't be as certain as your mind reading ability, it keeps pushing me to Jeno. And with no better-" Donghyuck quickly corrects himself when Renjun attempts to interrupt him. "other option, I think the best we can do is trust the exterior facade we saw from Jeno and my usually correct gut feeling."

Renjun keeps quiet, soaking in his friend's words before finally saying. "How reliable is your gut feeling?"

"I mean it got me to Mark." Donghyuck boasts with a cocky quirk of his lips.

"What got you to me?" Mark asks, walking towards them with a bowl of cereal. Renjun prays it's not Jaemin's.

"Fate." Donghyuck winks, laughing when Mark turns red.

Renjun groans. "How many times must I ask you two to refrain from this mushy stuff when I am around? Not only is it an unpleasant sight, but it's always followed with thoughts I would rather not know of."

Mark sends Renjun a wordless apology while Donghyuck sticks his tongue at him. "Just say you're jealous and go."

"I am not jealous, but I am also _not_ not lonely."

"Weird way of saying you're lonely." Mark comments, pushing Donghyuck's legs so he can sit at the other end of the couch.

Renjun glares at Mark who starts eating his cereal, very unbothered. "And when I tell Jaemin you were eating his food, then what?"

"Huh?" Mark cocks a confused eyebrow at Renjun. "Just last time he told me to eat whatever I want whenever I want."

Renjun and Donghyuck share puzzled looks, before Donghyuck asks. "Are you sure we're talking about the same Jaemin?"

"Unless it was his identical twin who also has the keys to this house, then yes." Mark assures. "It was that night I stayed over last week, I went to eat something in the middle of the night. He was eating some noodles and he even invited me to eat some. I, of course, refused because I am not about to ruin the poor guy's dinner, then he told me I can eat whatever I want whenever I please and just went back to his food."

Renjun scratches his head, before turning to Donghyuck. "Man, I am starting to think even my judgments can't be fully trusted."

Donghyuck purses his lips, staring at Jaemin’s closed door. "He does act distanced with us, but you also keep on making him sound like a serial killer."

"Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just relaying what the voices in my head say." Renjun exclaims.

Donghyuck scoffs. "So, when are you gonna stop referencing this lyric?"

Mark pats Donghyuck's thigh. "Give it up babe, he ain't stopping any time soon."

"I am on a brink of an existential crisis, let me be." Renjun whines, pouting at Mark. "From one hand Hyuck is tryna go against my extincts on trusting people, and now you're making me question my own judgments. I am watching the foundation of my social interactions crumble."

Mark turns to Donghyuck. "Has he always been this dramatic?"

Donghyuck giggles. "That's what I have been saying."

See, Renjun knows best how dramatic he is. He always wonders what would his friends say about all his over-dramatic thoughts he filters out of conversations. But having to question all your beliefs about a huge aspect of your life seems like a valid thing to have a crisis over. It opens so many questions and uncertainties Renjun was living just fine without. He doesn’t voice this out though, opting to shrug and watch Mark finish his stupid cereal bowl. 

To no one’s surprise, the next person that comes falls very short compared to their standards. Donghyuck still doesn’t seem to mind, and as much as he tries not to think it, Renjun hears his thought that Renjun is going to give in and accept Jeno. The latter ignores the thought as he joins Donghyuck on the three seats couch, watching Mark choose a movie for them to watch. 

  
  


That night has Renjun turning sleepless in his bed, his thoughts too loud for him to ignore. He thinks of Jeno, of his impossibly genuine smile, the way he has put Donghyuck at ease and his unwavering gaze as he directed his words to Renjun. He turns around to the other side of his bed, this time he thinks of Jaemin, how his uninviting thoughts have always made Renjun back down from any attempt of getting closer to him, how as distance Jaemin has been with them, Renjun nor Donghyuck has ever made the effort to get him to warm up either. Renjun finds himself wondering if he's the one to blame for their cold relationship, wondering if Jaemin feels intimidated by the two and their close friendship and doesn't know how to approach them. This doesn't explain his disinterested thoughts, but again most Jaemin's thoughts were about his studies and projects, and it was very rare for Renjun to catch him thinking of anything unrelated to computer science.

Renjun turns to lay on his back, sighing for the umpteenth time that night, not wanting to dwell too deeply in his thoughts but unable to distract himself from them; especially with no exterior thoughts doing the job for him. And with the prospect of sleep being far off, Renjun decides to leave his bed, hoping his trip to the kitchen would give him something else to think of. He walks through the dark with quiet footsteps, familiar enough with the apartment to do so without bumping into anything. To his surprise, he catches Jaemin in the kitchen munching on some sweets, which makes him wonder if the boy's nightly snacking time is a routine of his. And as he gets closer, he starts distinguishing Jaemin's thoughts from his. The latter seems to be thinking of someone, which is very unlike him, and how he should check if this someone has gotten home or not. Renjun tries to make out what Jaemin is wearing, unable to figure it out when the only source of light he has is Jaemin's room on the opposite end of the apartment. Either way, Renjun concludes that Jaemin must have just come home, which makes him question exactly how little he knows of his roommate. And while their relationship doesn't entail having to know much about each other, Renjun's abilities made it that he found out stuff about mere acquaintances that he wished he didn't.

Jaemin slightly jumps when he takes notice of the other boy's presence with him, and suddenly his mind is filling with questions about his sudden appearance that Renjun unconsciously feels obliged to answer even when they weren't vocalized. "I wanted a snack." He states, rather than 'I was thinking long and hard about how my way with dealing with social relationships could be very wrong and I needed a distraction before I fling myself out of my window'. He wonders if life would have been easier if he was able to ignore his own thoughts as well as he did with other people's thoughts.

Jaemin gestures to the biscuit in his hand. “So did I.”

“Did you have dinner?” Renjun blurts the question before he can stop himself or start thinking about how Jaemin looks like he wants to be anywhere but there. _Maybe that’s just his face,_ Renjun pounders.

“yeah, I ate out with some friends.” Renjun nods at Jaemin’s answer, walking past him to the fridge. He stares at the content of the fridge, hoping that something delicious will appear out of nowhere. He gives up soon after, opting to just drink some water. When he turns to get a glass from the cupboards, he’s taken back to find Jaemin still there. Realization of just how tired he is hits him when he notices that Jaemin’s thoughts have become a white noise in his mind. His eyes fall on Jaemin’s, who’s already looking at him.

“What about you?” Jaemin suddenly asks.

Renjun tilts his head in confusion. “What about me?”

“Have you had dinner?”

Renjun isn’t sure why the question takes him by surprise. He tries to act otherwise, as he breaks eye contact and goes to retrieve one of the glasses. “Yeah, Mark was over and we got some take out.”

“Ah, right. You had another round of interviews today.” Jaemin says as if he totally forgot this piece of information, and Renjun feels too tired to try and find out if he truly did forget. “Yeah.” He says instead. 

“Any luck?” Jaemin asks like he did the other day, yet Renjun couldn’t make out if he looks as disinterested as he did that time with how dark the kitchen is. 

“Not really.” _not when when every other guy is homophobic, or not jeno._ Renjun almost rolls his eyes at his own thoughts, busying himself with pouring himself some water. 

“Why? What about Jeno?”

The question almost causes Renjun to spill the water all over their table, maybe if he focused on Jaemin's thoughts he wouldn't be this surprised. “Jeno? You know Jeno?”

Renjun isn’t sure if Jaemin shrugs at that or if it’s just the shadows. “I wouldn’t say know, but Donghyuck mentioned him the next day you all met him. He seemed to really like him. So, I was surprised that you guys started to interview new people again. Did something happen?”

“Umm, nothing happened. I just wasn’t sure if he was right for us.” Renjun drinks the cup of water in one go, hoping it will get his nerves to die down. 

“Why?” Jaemin persists. 

Renjun swallows down a sigh. “I am not sure, I didn’t get enough from him to decide. Donghyuck says to just trust his gut feeling but I am not sure if that would be wise.” Renjun flatters, wondering if he should add something. Jaemin’s muffled thoughts give nothing away so he goes for it. “What do you think? Since he’s also going to be your flatmate and all.”

“I am not sure.” Jaemin starts. “I trust whatever you and Donghyuck decide on. But if I was to decide then I would just go for Jeno. I mean if he showed no bad signs then why not? It’s not like I will be one hundred percent sure of anyone that will come by. Also, I don’t know about you but Donghyuck’s gut feeling seems to be reliable.”  
  


Renjun unconsciously pouts, feeling somehow offended. “How would _you_ know?” 

Jaemin laughs, and Renjun isn’t sure if the latter could see his facial expression. He hopes he can’t. “I am not questioning your judgment either. I am just saying I think we can trust Donghyuck on this one.”

Sighing, Renjun mutters. “I am starting to think Jeno bribed you behind my back or something.”

Jaemin shakes his head, pushing himself off the kitchen top. “You’re ridiculous.” Renjun squints at Jaemin statement, the pout back on his face. Jaemin gives him no mind, as he starts to walk back to his room. He pauses his steps before Renjun can decide if he should go back or sit some more in the kitchen, having the fridge's constant humming as company. “And try to sleep soon. You seem really tired.”

Renjun opens his mouth then closes it, stunned by the other boy. And when he finds just nothing to say, he chooses a quiet “Goodnight.” before standing from his place and deciding against his plans of taking the fridge as his next company, abiding by Jaemin’s words. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Renjun wakes up late, or at least later than usual. He can hear Donghyuck talking somewhere in the apartment, but can't quite figure out whom he's talking to and what exactly he's saying. But whatever curiosity he has to find out is too small to push him off his bed, and so he stays laying there in the dark, wondering which one between his hunger and bladder will get him to leave the comfort of his bed. 

His hunger wins as the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen makes his stomach growl. He leaves his bed regretfully, going to wash up with bleary eyes, barely making out his surroundings. Once feeling more refreshed, he joins Donghyuck in the kitchen, who seems to be busy making lunch. 

"Am I included?" Renjun asks from behind donghyuck, trying to peek at whatever the latter is making. 

Donghyuck jumps at the unexpected presence, smacking his friend's shoulder with a wooden spoon. "You scared me."

Renjun shrugs, laughing mischievously when Donghyuck gives him a hard glare. "Not my problem."

"One more word and you won't get to eat." Donghyuck threatens, fully knowing his threat will fall into deaf ears when Renjun not only knows him very well but has access to his thoughts, which weren't threatening one bit.

But even so, Renjun doesn't say another word, silently sitting at the kitchen table and watching Donghyuck's back as he focuses on the food. And it's one of the rare moments of serenity that Renjun can get, alone with his thoughts and Donghyuck soft humming to a familiar tune. And as he starts fully waking up, the memory of his conversation with Jaemin the prior night resurfaces, the latter's words resonating in his mind. He tries to ignore them at first, but they only get louder so he finally says. "So, about Jeno-"

"Ah, right," Donghyuck cuts him quickly at the mention or the other boy. "I was meant to tell you, but he called this morning."

Renjun quirks an eyebrow in bewilderment, Donghyuck's thoughts not giving him anything. "Uh-huh?"

Donghyuck turns around towards the stove, occupied with whatever he is cooking, or more so pretending to be occupied to avoid his friend's gaze. "Yeah, so he's moving in tomorrow."

"He's what?" Renjun jumps from his place, the chair in which he was sitting on making a loud shriek. "How did THAT happen?"

"Haha, funny story actually!" Donghyuck laughs sheepishly, going back to facing Renjun. "He called this morning saying he knew he shouldn't be bothering us, like he sounded REALLY apologetic. And then he told me he's a little bit pressed in time, I didn't get the whole story but apparently he needs to move out tomorrow from wherever he is, so he wanted to check if we already have an answer since he wasn't sure if he should start looking elsewhere, you know?"

"And you just said yes?" Renjun exclaims. "Doesn't that whole story make him sound suspicious?"

Donghyuck sighs. "Dude, you got to stop being so paranoid. His lease must be over or something. And I only said yes cause Jaemin told me you seemed to be on board with Jeno just this morning."

Renjun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, glancing at Jaemin's closed door. "You met Jaemin? He was awake pretty late at night yesterday."

"Well to be honest with you, he looked like he still hasn't gotten one blink of sleep. He must be knocked out about now, though."

"That boy worries the shit out of me sometimes." Renjun shakes his head. "Now add to it Jeno and I might just lose my mind."

"Jun." Donghyuck calls out for him, getting him to avert his eyes from Jaemin's closed door. "You don't need to care so much about people and their business. I know being able to read their minds makes you feel like their business is yours, but it really isn't."

Renjun falls dejectedly on the chair behind him. "I swear to god it's as if everyone is a philosophy freaking major student in this household."

"That's Mark's major, put some respect on its name."

Renjun scoffs. "Stupid."

They fall back into a comfortable silence, yet Renjun can tell that Donghyuck is talking himself into speaking again. "Oh my god. Spit it out already."

"Okay, okay." Donghyuck defensively exclaims, before muttering. "I just want to check if you're fine with me saying yes to Jeno? I don't want you to feel like we pressured you into this, so if you want me to tell Jeno he can't actually move in, I will do it right now."

Renjun raises his eyebrow challengingly. "You would?"

Donghyuck grins. "Of course." _Not_.

" _Dude_."

"I thought you can't tell our thoughts apart sometimes!" Donghyuck accuses. 

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Well I know you're not to be trusted so I was focusing extra hard."

"Damn. Well you don't expect me to break Jeno's heart, he seemed so defeated."

"So why did you even say you would call him and turn him back?" 

"I knew you wouldn't tell me to do that. You're too much of a softie." Donghyuck confesses, before adding quickly when Renjun glares at him. "But I was also ready to drop to the floor and beg on the unlikely case that you really went with that."

Renjun sighs. "One would think you owe Jeno in a past life or something."

Donghyuck laughs heartily, aware that Renjun isn't against Jeno anymore. "I could be."

  
  
  
  
  


What Renjun forgot when he let Donghyuck get off the hook for giving Jeno the green light to move in was the fact that he would be the one responsible for the latter. And sadly for him, it only dawned on him as Jaemin woke him up the next day with loud banging on his door. 

"Fuck off." Renjun screams, cuddling further down into his blanket in hopes of drowning out the noise. 

Jaemin doesn't heed the words yelled at him as he enters the other's room. "I don't mean to be a bother-"

"Then don't be one." Renjun exclaims from under the cover.

"But Donghyuck said it has to be you." Jaemin mumbles. 

Renjun sticks his head out, shrieking once he lays his eyes on Jaemin only to find Jeno standing by him. He goes back into hiding right as he locks eyes with the latter before screaming. "GET OUT."

Jaemin laughs before pulling Jeno out with him. Jeno snickers and once the door is closed by the other boy he asks. "Did you do that on purpose?"

Jaemin shamelessly nods. "He's easy to rile up, it's quite entertaining." He quickly adds. "Don't tell him I said that though."

Jeno wordlessly nods at the warning, still quite confused by the prior events and the weird dynamics of his future flatmates. The two go back to the living room and Jaemin immediately throws himself face first on the three seats couch and Jeno would have second-guessed his choice if he had the luxury of being picky. Deciding not to dwell on useless feelings, he goes to seat himself on the single seat couch, watching Jaemin's back move with every inhale and exhale, unsure if the boy has already fallen asleep or not. "So," He starts, relieved when Jaemin hums in response. "Why are we waiting for Renjun exactly?"

"So he would show you around."

Jeno purses his lips, before finding himself questioning the other boy yet again "This is truly out of curiosity and nothing else, but why wouldn't you do that?"

Jaemin shrugs awkwardly from his position on the couch. "Donghyuck said I have to make Renjun do it. And what was I supposed to do? Say no?" Jaemin laughs as he finally turns around to face Jeno. "And plus I didn't get any sleep so I would like it if I get to sleep right about now. I would tell you I am not usually like this and it's only the lack of sleep, but I always lack sleep."

Jeno nods in understanding. "Happens to the best of us. We are all just a bunch of university students so don't worry about it."

"That we are." Jaemin chuckles and his words come off borderline sarcastic but Jeno feels it's wiser to just leave the guy be, rather than attempt to psychoanalyze him. 

Fortunately, or unfortunately for Jeno seeing from Renjun's face, the latter appears before any awkward silence settles on the other two. He seems to have washed up, looking more refreshed than when Jeno saw him last, but not any less annoyed. He avoids eye contact with Jeno, directing his glare towards Jaemin, who's blissfully unaware of the looming dark presence behind him. 

"What are you looking at like that?" Jaemin questions, yelping when he turns around to find Renjun's piercing eyes sending daggers at him. He laughs sheepishly, straightening himself up on the couch. "Oh, you're awake."

"I wonder why."

Jaemin cowers under Renjun's glare before looking back at Jeno, hoping to get some help from the latter, but when all Jeno does is smile at him with an air of fake oblivion, he sighs. "Hey, let's not scare Jeno on his first day." He mumbles, quickly standing up from his place. "I'll be going to sleep now, since you're here and all." 

Renjun exhales deeply. "Yeah, whatever. We don't wanna scare him away, do we?"

Jeno chuckles. "Why are you speaking as if I am not here?"

"He likes to be dramatic, you'll get used to it."

"Na Jaemin." Renjun warns. "You're on thin fucking ice, don't make it worse for yourself."

Jeno laughs fully this time. "I see what you mean." 

Renjun looks at Jeno, wondering if the boy is just joking around with him or if he's actually insulting him right to his face. The latter's face and tone don't give anything away, and Renjun finds himself unable to decide if he's actually genuine or a really good actor. His instincts lead him to believe it's the latter, but he forces himself to ignore that feeling and trust in Donghyuck's gut and Jeno's kind impression. 

"Are you done staring at him? Can I leave now?" Jaemin asks, laughing at the way his question flusters Renjun, turning his ears bright red. Renjun's hand goes to touch his ear as if in cue and with that Jaemin leaves wordlessly. Letting Renjun deal with the mess he has created. 

"I wasn't staring." Renjun clarifies once Jaemin closes his room's door behind him. "I just haven't really woken up."

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

 _Yeah, no, I'll worry about it._ Renjun thinks to himself, and the way his thoughts echo in his mind with no other intruding thoughts even when he's in the company of another person creeps him out. 

"So," Jeno breaks the silence when all Renjun does is stand there. "Jaemin told me you'd be showing me around."

"Right, right." Renjun exclaims, shaking his head to get himself out of the trance he's in. And one look at Jeno's confused and concerned eyes has him clarifying. "I still haven't woken up yet. I usually take some time to really wake up, but well Jaemin didn't give me that option today, now did he?"

Jeno chuckles, finding Renjun's grumpy face quite amusing. Maybe Jaemin was truly onto something when saying that Renjun was fun to rile up. "He sure didn't." He quickly adds when he feels like his remark hasn't appeased the other boy. "I am sorry about that, though. I didn't know he was going to wake you up in that manner. He just told me to follow him so I did."

Renjun looks back at Jeno, attempting to gauge how truthful his words are. Silence and wide eyes are his only answer, and he wonders just how many times he is going to try and read Jeno's mind before he fully gives up. He also wonders how much eye contact he needs to make with Jeno, now that he can't just instantly know what the other's true intentions are and has to resort to reading the latter's expressions and body language. "Your lost puppy look makes me inclined to believe you." He finally says.

Jeno makes a confused noise at that. "My what?"

Renjun giggles. "Don't worry about it. Now follow ME so we can get this over with." 

  
  
  


Renjun starts by showing Jeno their one spare room that will soon become the latter's. Jeno is quick to drop his obviously heavy backpack on the bed, eyes looking around the room and trying to take it all in. 

Renjun watches him do that as he stays by the door, back pressed on the side-frame. "Do you like it?" He questions, not as an attempt of small talk but rather genuinely curious since he doesn't know Jeno's thoughts. "I mean I assume you already saw the pictures we posted but it's hard to capture the size and actual placement of everything through the lenses. Not like you can't change the placements of stuff or anything." Renjun trails off, coloring quickly when he realizes that he's rambling. 

"I like it." Jeno exclaims. "Not like my standards were high or anything, a bed and a roof would have been sufficient. So yeah, this is great. Plus it's bigger than I expected. It feels like a steal."

"I am glad you like it. And it's really not, you're gonna be paying the price of living with us." Renjun jokes, feeling satisfied when Jeno laughs at that. 

"I haven't seen much but you guys seem to be a good bunch." Jeno compliments. 

Renjun snickers. "We'll see how long it will take you before you change your mind."

As they leave the room and Renjun points to his room that's across Jeno's, explaining how they are right by each other and that Jeno can easily walk over if he ever needed anything, he notices that Jeno seems to be feeling more at ease around him, prompting him to feel more comfortable himself. Although the boy isn't sure if it's Jeno's calming aura that affected him, or his deep voice that resonates in Renjun's ear whenever he talks or laughs. Either way he surely is starting to understand why Jeno has left such an impression on Donghyuck, it also made him realize just how distracted and unsettled he was the day he first met Jeno that he couldn't feel anything else.

The rest of the 'tour', as Renjun jokingly calls it, goes smoothly from there. As Renjun explains all the basics to get by in the apartment, and all the arrangements the flatmates follow that allows them to coexist, or so he claims. Jeno seems to be listening to him attentively but Renjun still worries that he's boring him, especially since he is not used to talking much to strangers, as Donghyuck is the one who usually ends up taking on that role whenever they need it. Renjun wonders how he will survive living with Jeno if Donghyuck is truly planning to ignore him the whole time. 

"This is basically it." Renjun states as the two stand in the middle of the kitchen. "I don't think I missed anything but if there is anything you wanna ask then please, be my guest."

"I noticed that you didn't mention Mark, does he share a room with one of you, or?" Jeno asks curiously.

"Ah…" Renjun laughs awkwardly. "Mark doesn't live with us. He was just here last time for mental support."

"That's nice of him. He seems to be a good friend." Jeno remarks. 

Renjun snickers, looking off to the side. "Friend alright."

"Hmm?" Jeno raises an eyebrow in puzzlement. "Am I wrong? Not to dwell or anything, it just seemed that way. Him and Donghyuck especially looked quite close."

Renjun bites down a laugh, wondering just how dense can Jeno really be. He ponders over not telling Jeno about the two and leaving the work for Donghyuck. But worrying that Donghyuck will find it uncomfortable to do that and risking exposing his thoughts, he goes for it. Jeno's bound to find out sooner or later anyway, and Renjun prefers it to be sooner so the boy can feel more at ease with not moving in anymore if that kind of thing bothers him. "You're not wrong per se. Those two are close. Too close if you know what I mean."

Jeno purses his lips and the way he averts his eyes to the side nervously makes Renjun nervous himself. "I-I am not sure I do."

Renjun isn't sure if Jeno is that painfully oblivious or acting stupid but he decides against voicing his suspicions. "They're dating." He simply states, trying to keep his voice from showing the nerves suddenly plugging him.

Jeno looks surprised at first but he's quick to conceal any other emotion from showing on his face as he smiles. "That's cool. I am happy for them."

"You sure are." Renjun absentmindedly mutters, distracted with studying the other boy and trying to comprehend the uneasy feeling that's taking over him. 

  
  
  


Once Renjun retreats to his room, he can't help but replay the entirety of his interaction with Jeno. He knows it's truly not his place to, but he still fails to stop himself from being curious about the boy, or his thoughts exactly. Why did he seem nervous rather than disturbed about Mark and Donghyuck dating. Why did he have to move in so quickly. Why did he say he only needs a bed and a roof above his head. And most importantly why did his smile seem so genuine yet so fake. 

Sighing, Renjun wishes university would start already so he can distract himself with something other than the enigma that is Lee Jeno. That wistful thought is quickly retracted when he pictures himself drowning in all the work that is inevitably going to be thrown his way. 

There seems to be no escape for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated !! Let me know what you think ♡


	3. Say Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna start with saying that I am so thankful for your support!! Even my motivation was on full blast this time that I wrote over 5k words in two days!  
> So yeah thank you so much <33  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter as well
> 
> Also quick note but I'll be adding some stuff to the tags according to the progress of the story! Just a heads up 
> 
> Happy reading :))

Jeno isn't sure what his next course of action should be now that he luckily has somewhere to live. He throws himself on the bed that still doesn't feel like his own, not when it looks and feels nothing like his designated upper bed on the bunk bed he shared with his old roommate back where he used to live. 

He ignores the feeling and closes his eyes, deciding to worry about what he has to do later and enjoy a much needed nap. 

His nap turns out to be a few hours longer than he was anticipating. He wakes up with a groan, his body hurting all over. He doesn't remember physically overexerting himself but he assumes it's the exhaustion from the past week finally taking a toll on him. 

He rolls around in the bed, eyes blinking slowly as he attempts to keep them open for more than two seconds. His mind feels too foggy and he almost mistakes the noises coming from the other side of the apartment for his old roommates if it wasn't for Donghyuck's unmistakable loud laugh. 

He makes it to the bathroom in a daze, which is luckily at the end of the hallway by his room so he doesn't have to cross his flatmates while half asleep. Washing his face with cold water isn't enough to wake him up, but he's glad it at least makes him look less puffy. 

Finally walking into the living, he steals a look at the two boys on the couch, wrestling for the remote. Renjun's eyes cross his before Jeno can avert his eyes and make his way to the kitchen. Donghyuck cheers when he succeeds in snatching the remote from Renjun's hold, realizing late that his best friend's focus isn't on him anymore. Following Renjun's line of sight, Donghyuck jumps when he catches Jeno standing there, before laughing awkwardly in an attempt to cut whatever tension is hanging on them. 

"Hey," Donghyuck calls out. "You're settling in fine?"

Jeno doesn't miss the way Renjun jabs his friend's side, nor the way the latter pushes his hand away and shakes his head at him. "Euh, fine." He decides to ignore whatever was happening in front of him. "I slept the whole time though."

Donghyuck nodded. "That's good, that's good." 

"Thanks." Jeno mumbles, starting to walk away when Renjun says. "We got pizza if you want." 

Jeno glances back at the boy only to find his eyes on the TV, completely avoiding Jeno's. "Euh, thanks." 

"No problem." Is the last thing he hears before finally making his way to the kitchen, ignoring whatever hushed argument happening between Renjun and Donghyuck.

  
  
  
  


"You're stupid." Renjun insults.

Donghyuck gasps, pinching the other's arm strongly. "No, you."

Renjun groans in pain before getting back on Donghyuck by pinching his stomach. "All I did was invite him for some goddamn food." He huffed. "That's called being nice."

"Sure. But avoiding his eyes like a wimp isn't."

This time Renjun doesn't think pinching his friend would cut it, so he jumps on him, relishing on the yelp his friend makes. "Your end will be by my hands Donghyuck Lee."

Donghyuck quickly recovers from the shock, smirking even when Renjun is threatening him with a fist aimed at his face. "What will you do? Punch me?" He scoffs. "As if! You're too much of a softie."

A murderous glint flashes behind Renjun's eyes at the words. And instead of punching the smirking boy, he goes for his throat, laughing maniacally at the choking sound he makes. 

"Time out. Time out." Donghyuck tries to say breathlessly, tapping on Renjun's forearm. 

"Not so smug right now." Renjun laughs, letting go of his friend and watching him inhale deeply at that before falling into soft coughs. 

"You're evil." 

Renjun shrugs. "You challenged me. I thought you knew better than playing with fire."

"Everything's alright there?" They hear a questioning voice from behind them. And when they turn around they find Jeno's head peeking from the kitchen, probably having heard the commotion the two have made. 

"Yeah. We're peachy." Renjun finds himself exclaiming with a giggle. 

"Talk about yourself." Donghyuck spits. Jeno arches a puzzled and slightly concerned eyebrow at that which prompts Donghyuck to clarify. "Don't worry about it Jeno. It's just two best friends 'quarreling'" Renjun rolls his eyes at Donghyuck's air quotations. And once Jeno retreats back to the kitchen, he turns to his friend. "So much for ignoring him. This is why I even called you stupid earlier."

"Well, I am not supposed to make it so obvious."

"Ah."

Donghyuck snickers. "See, you're the only idiot here."

Renjun glares. "Do you want a second round? I mean all you had to do was ask." 

Donghyuck backs away tentatively. "You wouldn't." 

"And you're challenging me again?" Renjun laughs wickedly. "I didn’t know you had a choking kink Hyuck."

"I DON'T." Donghyuck screams too loudly and hastily for the statement to be true. And Renjun's laughter only grows louder at his frantic attempts at blocking his thoughts. 

"Damn, you live and learn."

Donghyuck's attempts go in vain, and when he realizes he can't stop his thoughts from delving into dangerous territories he storms off, yelling an "I HATE YOU HUANG RENJUN." as he smacks his door shut. 

Jeno appears from the kitchen, eyes trained to Donghyuck's door. "What was that about?" 

Renjun glances at Jeno. "Euh.. just our usual antics." 

"I see." Jeno mutters before retreating to his room. Renjun watches him do so, wondering what he thought of the two's childish behavior. 

Either way, Renjun prefers Jeno moves out because he found them bunch of weirdos rather than being homophobic. He at least could live with the former. 

  
  
  


Jeno does find his flatmates a bunch of weirdos, but he doesn't have much time to dwell on it as he finds himself busy between finding a job and managing what savings he has so he can pay his rent and buy necessities to survive the month. His thankfulness towards the scholarship he scored growing immensely now that he's the one responsible to pay the small fee the scholarship doesn't cover. He would have had to drop out if not for said scholarship.

In fact, he's so busy he doesn't notice his roommates avoiding him. If the chatter dies down when Jeno enters the living room, the boy is already preoccupied with his phone to notice. If Donghyuck or Mark leave the kitchen the moment Jeno enters, the latter is too hungry to give it any importance. If his flatmates don't interact with him the entirety of the day, Jeno is too tired by the end of it to think of anything but his much needed sleep. 

And before he even realizes it, the university's inscriptions are already rolling around. And with classes starting soon and his new part time job, Jeno ends up not meeting his flatmates not only because of their attempts at avoiding him but his tight schedule. 

So when Jeno makes it home quite late at night, staggering to the kitchen with heavy footsteps, he expects there to be no one around. Once he finds some leftovers he had left from the prior day, he quickly heats them up before making his way to the living room. He doesn't bother to turn on the lights since the TV's brightness is enough for him to manœuvre around the space and eat properly. And when he goes to sit at the three seats couch, he notices a bundle under a thick blanket. Unsure if there's actually someone under it and unable to check with his hands full, he goes to the two seats couch, nestling comfortably there and eating his food in silence. 

After what feels like five minutes, a voice calls his name from under the blankets, scaring Jeno who yelps and slightly jumps in his place. Before he starts creeping himself out with concerns about ghosts infesting their apartment, a messy haired head pokes from under the covers, blanket stopping just under big dark eyes. "Did I scare you?"

Jeno nods at the curious eyes staring at him, unable to tell whose eyes these are. 

"I am sorry." The boy says, finally pulling the blanket down to his neck and revealing his face, which Jeno recognizes to be Mark's. 

"Don't worry about it." Jeno mumbles, heartbeat finally starting to slow down. "I just wasn't expecting someone to be under there."

"Really?" Mark questioned in surprise. "You didn't hear anything?"

Jeno shakes his head. "No." 

"That's weird." Mark mutters, sitting up before looking at Jeno with a suspecting gaze. "Are you sure you didn't hear any noises?."

"Well did _you_ make any noise?" Jeno fires back, unsure why Mark is interrogating him in such a manner. 

"No," Mark starts. "But I thought you would hear something. Like, I don't know, maybe some mumbling. A white noise perhaps. Thoughts that aren't yours."

Jeno cowers back in his place, a disturbed look adorning his face. "Man, you're scaring me. Are you saying there's a ghost here?" A chill runs down his spine when all Mark does is stare back at him, a small tilt of the head is the only movement coming from him. "Are YOU a ghost? Did you get possessed?"

Mark finally breaks the silence with a hearty laugh, clutching his side. "Dude, you should have seen your face." He laughs some more, wiping a tear from his eye. "I didn't take you to be the superstitious type."

"I am not." Jeno exclaims defencely. "But can you blame me when you said all of that?" 

Mark chuckles. "Excuse me. I must be saying nonsense since it's so late at night."

"It's alright." Jeno goes back to his food. 

"So," Mark says in hesitation, smiling sheepishly when Jeno glances at him. "did you or did you not hear anything?" 

Jeno sighs. "What was I supposed to hear?" He shakes his head in exasperation. "Of course I heard nothing. Not even your breath."

Mark holds his arm up in defeat. "Sorry, sorry." He puts his arms once Jeno nods his way in acknowledgement . 

"So, why are you sleeping here and not with Donghyuck?" Jeno asks between a mouthful of food. 

"Ah," Mark mutters wistfully. "I wish. But we had a little argument and he kicked me out of his room."

"That's," Jeno purses his lips in contemplation. "sad, for lack of a better word."

Mark sighs, falling back on the couch and cuddling into the blanket. "It is. But I did say some assholish stuff, so I deserve it."

Jeno nods in apprehension. "If you say so."

  
  
  
  
  


Jeno leaves early the next morning, which leaves the three boys comfortable discussing him in the middle of the kitchen. But that only happens after Mark's lengthy, sincere apology towards Donghyuck, and the latter's accepting hug. 

"I don't think Jeno reads minds." Mark declares from his place on the counter, playing with Donghyuck's hair who's standing between his legs. 

Renjun nods as he bites into his waffle. "I think so too."

Donghyuck snickers and Renjun glares at him. 

"Say it." Renjun demands.

"You only think that so you can feel good about yourself." He then adds mischievously. "And you're making me say this out loud even though you heard me in your head cause you're a masochist."

"That's rich coming from you." Renjun retorts, referencing the events of that 'choking' incident.

Mark looks between the two. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"None of your business." Donghyuck exclaims with a scowl, nestling his face into Mark's neck who giggles at the ticklish touch. 

"On the contrary," Renjun pushes on. "It's Mark's business more than anybody else's."

Donghyuck whines, and the action emits a deep blush on Mark's cheeks. Renjun sighs at that, running a hand over his face. "Wrap it up guys."

"Prude" Donghyuck insults, sticking his tongue at his frowning friend.

Renjun rolls his eyes as they sit in silence. Mark's still running his hand through his boyfriend's hair and Renjun going back to shoving syrup drizzled waffles into his face. Until the latter drops his fork which clicks loudly on his plate. "No, no, no, no!"

Donghyuck smirks. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" 

"I'll move out. I literally don't give a single fuck. I WILL move out."

Mark groans. "What's happening here? Enlighten me, will you?"

"Your sweet, sweet boyfriend," Rejun starts with an accusing tone, index finger pointing at a giggling Donghyuck. "wants me dead. He wants to kill me then spit on my grave."

Mark turns to Donghyuck. "Is he being dramatic again?"

"Yes."

"No!"

Mark then turns to Renjun with an apologetic smile. "That means you are."

Renjun now points his finger at Mark. "I am moving out AND dropping both of you as my friends."

Mark shrugs. "I am not even sure what this is about, but that doesn't sound bad."

Renjun pouts, ignoring the boy's words in favor of stuffing his face with what's left of his waffles. 

"So, what was that about?" Mark whispers into Donghyuck's ear, as if that will prevent Renjun from knowing what they are talking about. As if Renjun doesn't have access to their conversation in 4K. 

"I got a genius idea to figure out if Jeno can or cannot hear minds." Donghyuck's eyes shimmer with mischief. "But I don't think junnie found it pleasing."

Renjun pushes his now empty waffle plate away from him, laying his head there, chin digging on the cold surface of the kitchen table. "Why don't you tell him about it? I bet he wouldn't find it as pleasant either. You're the only sadist here. Enjoying your best friend's misfortune." 

Donghyuck giggles behind his hand. "You're so cute, Junnie." 

"He is." 

Renjun huffs. 

  
  
  
  
  


Donghyuck's idea, against Renjun's better judgment, is clever. Tricky, but clever. He sighs when Mark agrees to that, already seeing a future so bleak and dark. 

"See!" Donghyuck exclaims with a devilish smile when Mark confirms that his idea is well-thought-out. "All I have to do is think of unexpected things, weird things and disgusting things and then we gauge his reaction. Easy and sufficient."

"What about me?" Renjun whines, using puppy eyes to deter Donghyuck's opinion. "Why make me put up with that?"

"It's the price you have to take to quench your curiosity."

"But I don't want to quench it."

Donghyuck scoffs. "You could have fooled me."

  
  
  


Renjun knows he can only wish to fool his best friend. He also knows that despite everything, he still hopes that Donghyuck would not only go easy on him, but let go of the idea all together. Which is a testimony to how much of a fool he is when Donghyuck invites Jeno to one of their movie nights, on the pretext of wasting their time one more time before classes officially start. Jeno hesitates, and Renjun can't tell if it's due to Donghyuck's Cheshire-Cat-like smile or Renjun deepening frown. 

"I don't want to intrude." Jeno mumbles. 

"What's there to intrude. It's not like we're on a date." Donghyuck jokes, then turns to Renjun with a teasing smirk. "Or are we?" 

Renjun smirks back. "Not when I am _so_ out of your league."

Donghyuck colors, trying and failing to block memories of the times when middle school student Donghyuck had a huge teen crush on Renjun, unbeknownst to him that his crush can hear each and every one of his thoughts. "That's a low blow." He mumbles. 

Renjun laughs in triumph, relishing in the sweet, sweet feeling of revenge, before turning to Jeno with a curious arch of his brow. "Are you joining us or will you postpone my death?"

"Y-your what?" Jeno fumbles on his words. 

Donghyuck finally recovers from his embarrassment, ushering Jeno to join them. "Don't listen to him. I hope you already noticed but he's quite dramatic."

"Am not."

"I did."

Renjun and Jeno turn to look at each other, Jeno with a sheepish smile while Renjun's upholding a hard glare. "You don't want to get on my bad side, Jeno Lee."

Jeno's sheepish smile turns into a sly smirk. "Now, isn't that a dramatic remark?"

Renjun looks to be on the verge of fuming at the comment, especially when he knows nothing of the intentions of the smirking boy who's exhibiting a confident aura. Donghyuck is quick to interfere, afraid of things escalating into territories he has no control over. "Why don't you two act friendly and let us enjoy a stupid movie together?"

"Why would I stay for a stupid movie?" Questions Jeno. 

"And why would I act friendly?" Asks Renjun.

"And why do I even try?" Sighs Donghyuck. 

They end up listening to Donghyuck, because that's just how things are supposed to be. Who situates himself opportunely between the two boys, linking his arms with them as if they were a bunch of best friends. Whereas the statement is only fifty percent true, since Jeno is closer to a stranger than a best friend. 

It goes well, or so Renjun thinks, as they enjoy the movie in a relatively quiet ambience, the silence only interrupted with Donghyuck's clever commentary, Renjun's loud laughter or Jeno's snorts. But Renjun has made his judgment a tad bit early, because just when he starts thinking that this isn't so bad Donghyuck starts screaming. 

Donghyuck screams. But no sound comes out of his mouth, he screams with all his might between the walls of his mind. The same shrill scream resonating in Renjun's own mind, making the hairs on his arms stand and his body jump. 

"I could have used a warning." He hisses in his friend's ear.

"I need to be extra careful not to ruin the plan." Donghyuck retorts back, side-eyeing Jeno who seems to be fully emerged in the movie. 

"Didn't you hear that?" Donghyuck asks as Renjun pauses the movie. 

"Hear what?" Jeno asks, and Renjun somehow can tell Jeno is annoyed at the way the two interrupted the movie even though he tries not to show it. 

"That scream." Donghyuck deadpans. 

"Are you trying to scare me too?" Jeno accuses. "Is this your version of hazing?"

The two friends shake their heads in unison. "Of course not." Donghyuck assures. 

"Maybe it was just the neighbors." Renjun reassures. "I am sure you just missed it cause you were really into the movie." 

Jeno shrugs. "If you say so." 

And with that they go back to the movie, with Jeno as focused as when they started it while Donghyuck gets distracted with his thoughts and the questions that were left unanswered, effectively distracting Renjun who couldn't even afford to dream of one moment of peace. 

And unconsciously, Renjun finds himself praying Jeno can't actually hear minds. Not when Renjun wouldn't even wish it on his worst enemy; no one deserves to get their peace of mind snatched from them just like that. 

  
  
  
  


"So, we are safe to say Jeno can't read minds." Renjun is the one to declare this time around. In which they find themselves in the living room in front of the TV, with the exception of Mark, who's attending one of his evening classes. Although they effectively ignore the chick flick on the TV which they have watched numerous times and only repeat because Donghyuck enjoys it, cuddling instead, with Donghyuck being the big spoon and playing with Renjun's hair the way Mark does with his. 

Donghyuck scoffs. "And how can you say that?"

Renjun turns his face to his friend, breaths mingling with one another, due to their close proximity. "He literally didn't react to your screaming. Wasn't that the point of your plan?" 

"Yes." Donghyuck confirms, quickly butting in when Renjun goes to talk. "BUT, he could also be used to that! This is only the first step of my very deliberate plan. So just be prepared."

Renjun huffs, his breath blowing directly on Donghyuck's face who grimaces at that. "But you won't give me a heads-up." 

"And your breath stinks." Donghyuck snickers. "It just do be like that sometimes."

Renjun elbows Donghyuck in the stomach before attempting to leave the couch and run back to his room. But Donghyuck is quick to react, tightening his arms around his friend and caging him, successfully ruining his attempt at an escape. "I was just joking!" 

Renjun pouts. "Prove it."

In a swift motion, Donghyuck kisses the side of Renjun's lips. "This is all my boyfriend will allow me to do. But if it wasn't for the laws of this land, I would be fully French kissing you right now, Huang Renjun." 

Renjun shakes his head, laughing at both Donghyuck's words and thoughts. "You're so fucking obnoxious!"

"Damn, what's wrong with two best friends kissing? Can't two homies platonically kiss?" Donghyuck complains. 

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Who's the dramatic one now?"

"I am just trying to love you." Donghyuck declares, squeezing Renjun in his arms. "Will you please accept me?"

Renjun pats repeatedly on Donghyuck's hand that's wrapped around his arm. "I will, I will. Just let me breathe so I can live long and receive more and more of your love." 

Donghyuck cheers, plastering a loud smooch on Renjun's cheek. "That's more like it."

  
  
  


The days that come after that are what Renjun likes to call hell on earth. Not only did he have to get used to classes and stupid professors and exhausting homework, he also had to endure Donghyuck's ridiculous thoughts whenever Jeno was around. From mushy thoughts to horny ones to disgusting ones. You name it and Donghyuck would have already thought of it. 

Donghyuck doesn't seem to care about the torture he's invoking on his best friend though. His attention solely focused on his goal of cracking Jeno's resolve. And the more the latter doesn't react to Donghyuck's thoughts, the more Donghyuck wants to test his limits and push him to surrender. Forgetting that Jeno could as well not be hearing any of his thoughts. 

Renjun reminds him of that fact every single day. But it always falls on deaf ears. 

And with everything considered, Renjun puts up with it quite well. Keeping most of his complaints to himself and silently hoping that either Donghyuck gives up on the mind game he seems to be playing all on his own or that Jeno's made-up resolve finally breaks and he snaps at the other boy. But then they end up successfully getting Jeno to join one of their movie nights, happy with their achievement when the boy seems to be busy as ever, especially having to stay on top of his studies to keep his scholarship, adding to it that his architecture major isn't an easy one. And with that comes Donghyuck unceasing messed up thoughts, stronger than ever. The latter wanting to get Jeno to give up once and for all. 

Renjun groans from beside Jeno, thoughts about Mark and Donghyuck's sexual endeavors flooding his mind. He tries to ignore them, suppress them and muffle them with his own; but nothing seems to work. 

Jeno glances at him in worry, and his concern-filled eyes make Renjun worried as well, as if Jeno's eyes were reflective mirrors and Renjun's eyes were their target. 

Renjun shakes his head, both to reassure Jeno that he's fine and to get rid of the weird feelings consuming him. Which proves to be a bad idea, as the moment the feelings dissipate, he's back to being subjected to hearing unpleasant thoughts he wishes he never knew.

Moreover, this time everything's so detailed, from the exact movement Donghyuck did with his tongue to the way Mark's face contorted after that and Renjun just can't take it anymore. 

He pushes the bowl of popcorn that's on his lap onto Jeno's, standing up hastily. "Donghyuck, my room. _Now_." He commands sternly. 

"Sexy." Donghyuck remarks with a wink. 

"I-" Renjun sighs. "I don't like this remark coming from you now."

"So it's fine another time?" Donghyuck gives him a cheeky smile. 

"Not the time for jokes. Just do as I say." Renjun then looks at Jeno, getting hit with another wave of concerned feelings after looking at those same dark eyes. "You don't worry about us, Jeno. Just continue the movie and we will be back soon."

"Sure." Jeno mumbles, before quickly adding when all Renjun does is nod and make move to leave. "Are you feeling unwell though?"

Renjun answers him with a tight lipped smile. "No, I am not. It's Donghyuck who's unwell." He then glares at a sheepish looking Donghyuck. "Sick, even."

"Oh." Jeno nods, turning to Donghyuck the same worry-filled eyes, and the mirrored feeling doesn’t ever leave Renjun. "I didn't know. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Renjun sighs, Donghyuck's thoughts and sly smile warning him of what's about to happen. "There's a LOT you can help me with, dearest Jeno."

Jeno's eyebrows rise in puzzlement, as he makes that peculiar confused noise of his. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing, nothing." Renjun hurriedly says, pulling on Donghyuck's arm and starting to drag him towards his room. "Don't worry your pretty head about it, Jeno. We'll be back soon."

"Pretty?" Flustered, Jeno blurts. 

"Pretty?" Donghyuck repeats teasingly. 

Renjun shrugs, ignoring the two and specifically ignoring Donghyuck's stupid thoughts. 

They make it to the boy's room before Renjun rips Donghyuck's throat open. The former closes the door behind him gently, trying to calm down so as to not lash out at his best friend.

Donghyuck tentatively sits on the only bed in the room, watching Renjun with careful eyes now that he realized he might have driven his friend up the wall. "So, what's the matter, my dear friend?"

"What's the matter?" Renjun exclaims in exasperation, pacing around the room in rage, making Donghyuck dizzy. "The matter is that you are subjecting me to horrifying thoughts and details and I really don't think I deserve this suffering."

Donghyuck purses his lips, eyes drooping in guilt. "I didn't mean it." He then adds quickly when Renjun scoffs. "Believe me, I was just trying to visualize things in great detail so Jeno would react. I forgot you would see it too."

"Huh?" Renjun mutters in bewilderment. "Why would I see it? And what do you mean visualize things?" 

Donghyuck snorts. "You're joking, right?"

"No." Renjun slowly walks to Donghyuck, sitting by him and blinking up at him with curious eyes. "What do you _mean_?" 

Donghyuck looks flabbergasted, but he explains nonetheless. "I _mean_ that I tried to picture me and Mark in inappropriate settings so Jeno sees it and can do nothing but confront me to get rid of the images in his head."

"Images in his head?" Renjun inhales deeply, trying to wrap his head around his friend's words. "Is this figure of speech or are you serious? You see stuff in your head?"

Donghyuck tilts his head in confusion. "You don't?"

"No." Renjun mumbles. "Of course not."

Donghyuck scratches the back of his head, watching his friend going through yet another identity crisis. "How else do you see memories? How do you see what we see?" Donghyuck pauses. "Wait," he then blurts. "Didn't you see flashes of my memory earlier when I was thinking back on my crush on you?" 

Renjun shakes his head. "I just heard your thoughts, but I didn't see anything. Even though I am sure your blushing face would be hilarious to look back on." He shakes his head in pity. "Too bad."

"Too bad?" Donghyuck snickers. "Can you imagine seeing everything people see in their heads? Unpleasant memories, sexual intercourses, creepy fantasies or visualisations of death. Would you have survived?" 

"No." Renjun exhales. "Holy shit, no." 

They sit there in silence, minds racing with thoughts due to this revelation. 

"I feel like I dodged a bullet I didn't even know was aimed at me." Renjun mutters. "Gosh, I can't imagine a life like that! I would have killed myself." 

"You already wanna kill yourself more often than not and you only hear our thoughts." 

"True." Renjun affirms, resting his head on Donghyuck's shoulder, who wraps an arm around Renjun's waist, softly the skin that pokes from under his shirt as he googles keywords to figure out this mind image thing. 

"Aphantasia." Donghyuck finally says, prompting Renjun to open his eyes, after having almost dozed off on his friend's shoulder. 

"Apparently it was just recently found out that some people can visualize things in their heads and some don't, and even for the ones that do, there are those who are better at it than others. It's called having an eye of mind, and lack of said eye is called aphantasia."

"So you're saying my brain is blind." Renjun states more than asks. 

"Uh-uh."

Renjun suddenly stands upright, looking at Donghyuck. "Wait, that means my mind is also deaf when it comes to Jeno."

Donghyuck nods strongly. "Yeah!" 

"What does that mean then?" 

Shrugging, Donghyuck answers. "No idea." 

Renjun's shoulders fall in defeat. "This is so frustrating."

Donghyuck pulls his friend back down, patting his head in comfort. "We are getting closer to the truth though! And plus you're learning new things that can help you in the long run too." 

Renjun goes back to cuddling Donghyuck's side. "You're right. It's just weird knowing how differently people think. And here I thought I knew everything about everyone. I thought I knew everything about the way the human mind functions. I feel like boo-boo the fool now." 

"Hey, for what it's worth, you know more than most people. And you're young and have lots of time to learn. So don't worry!"

"Okay." Renjun says, but doesn't look to be settled yet.

"Listen! We're going to do this together. So you really have nothing to worry about." 

"Okay, okay." This time Renjun sounds more sure of himself which results in a wide smile from Donghyuck, one that causes the same type of smile to flourish on Renjun's face. 

  
  


Renjun's conversation with Donghyuck and the revelations they made, trigger another identity crisis for him. He thinks about how ignorant he was for thinking he had everyone figured out and wonders just how much he still hasn't discovered. This leads him to think of Jeno, and the enigma that he is. 

He still doesn't know why exactly he can't hear the other boy's thoughts. But more importantly, why he always feels mixed feelings whenever around him. His feelings always seem to be on a switch whenever Jeno is around, ready to match whatever vibe the latter emittes. 

It doesn't make any sense to Renjun though. These were just the facts he has, and as much as he racks his mind he still can't figure it out. Especially now that Donghyuck's theory seems less and less believable. 

He wonders if Jeno thinks differently than most people, if there's something about his thoughts that set him apart and make Renjun unable to read his mind. If not everyone could see images in their minds, there must be something else that explains why Renjun can't hear Jeno's thoughts.

Renjun feels so close to the answer yet so far. And when he feels only a step away from it, the unexpected happens. He hears a song playing in his mind. And he would have thought it's just another instant where a catchy, most likely overplayed song has stuck on his mind, but he doesn't recognize the song. And if he focuses well, he could almost feel the voice singing it being an octave lower than his. 

Renjun sits shell-shocked, basking in the unfamiliar song, before glancing towards Jeno, who's humming a matching melody. 

Heart beating fast, Renjun clutches the edge of the table, focusing strongly on the voice that sings cheerfully in his head. "What are you doing?" He finally questions. 

"Huh?" Jenk raises his head in confusion, he then gestures to his bowl of cereal. "Having breakfast. Just like you, I assume."

"No, no." Renjun exclaims before trying to imitate the tune Jeno was humming. "I mean this." 

Jeno opens his mouth in understanding, before scratching at his neck guilty. "I was just humming. I am sorry if I annoyed you. I'll stop."

Renjun sighs, head filled with both his confused thoughts and the muffle sound of the song that must be slowly dying down, and heart filled with overwhelming feelings. "That's not what I meant. I-I just wondered if it was s-stuck in your head or something. I know that's a stupid question but I am just stupid sometimes."

Jeno frowns. "Don't call yourself that! And feel free asking me anything you please. But to answer your question, yes the song has been stuck in my head the whole morning! I sadly woke up with it on my mind."

Renjun feels his hands shaking so he fists them, pushing them under the table. "Can you sing it to me please? It sounds like a good song." 

Cheeks coloring at the request, Jeno clears his throat. "I am not that good of a singer, but since you asked so nicely I'll try."

"Thank you."

And so Jeno sings, and Renjun's heart feels like bursting out of his ribcage. It's the same song. Jeno's actual voice is deeper, and having the sound vocalized makes it richer, but that doesn't change the fact that it is the same exact song. 

Jeno stops singing with a small shy smile, and Renjun is so stunned he forgets commenting, which makes Jeno's face fall. 

"Was I that bad?"

Renjun quickly shakes his head, hands matching the movement. "Of course not. Your voice is so good you rendered me speechless."

The color creeps back on Jeno's cheeks. "You're just flattering me."

"No, believe me. You have a beautiful voice." Renjun says, not to make Jeno feel better about himself, but believing the words himself. Because as shocked and confused as he felt, he didn’t miss how beautiful Jeno's voice is and the warmth that it made Renjun feel despite everything. 

"Thank you." Jeno mumbles shyly. And he seems to be glowing, making Renjun's heart beat in endearment. 

It still doesn't make sense. Heck it makes even less sense now. But Renjun thinks he can endure it if he gets to feel as warm as this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are as always appreciated !  
> I would love to hear what you think about all what happened in the chap and any theories you have ! I wanna discuss them with you all!!! 
> 
> I am also posting some spoilers on Twitter and I might start posting longer wips.. I am not sure yet but I would love for you to join me there ! I wanna make it a fun space for us :DD


	4. Depend On You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW For a mlid(?) Anxiety attack  
> And also TW for homophobia and homophobic slurs
> 
> I want you guys to be safe and if you ever want to skip any of the parts that includes something triggering you can tell me and I'll let you know which parts to skip 
> 
> But actually I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Maybe it was all the projection and maybe it was the soft noren moment or maybe it was the support Jeno got that we sometimes never get but I hope the chapter makes you feel the same as I did when I wrote it
> 
> Also yes I am planning on using every title from Twice's album Eyes Wide Open ! And what about it lol
> 
> And as always I hope you enjoy and I am giving you an early update cause I love you all <3 
> 
> Happy reading :))

The moment Jeno leaves the house for his morning classes, Renjun scrambles to find someone to rant to. Heart still lodged in his throat and hands still shaking. He knocks on Donghyuck's door, deciding against bursting into the room without a prior warning, when he knows that Mark has stayed the night. After getting no response, he sighs. 

He makes move to go to his room and wallow in sorrow all on his own. But then he gets a glimpse of Jaemin's room, and against his better judgment, strides towards it. 

Unlike Mark and Donghyuck, Jaemin answers Renjun's knocks with a drawn-out "come in." that almost makes Renjun walk away. Keyword being 'almost'. Instead, Renjun walks in, a nervous smile on his face, unsure what to do now that Jaemin has answered him. He does indeed need someone's company, not only for emotional support but also for a distraction from his racing thoughts, but he isn't sure going for Jaemin is the right call. 

He finds the boy sprawled on his bed, blanket hazardously thrown on him while his arm covers his eyes, even when the lights of the room are off. 

"Ah, you must be trying to sleep." Renjun remarks, a hint of relief in his tone. "I'll leave you to it then." But as he goes to leave, Jeamin speaks up. 

"No, stay." He exclaims a bit loudly, before saying more calmly. "I can't sleep anyways." And when he looks at Renjun, the latter finds his eyes to be bloodshot. 

"Is anything wrong?" Renjun asks, walking closer to the boy on the bed, who stretches to turn on the lamp by his bed. Renjun tries to decipher his thoughts but all he catches is exhausted ones, and endless trains of thoughts that Renjun can't follow, when he doesn't know how they started. 

"I am just tired." Jaemin says, but Renjun hears _'Life's trying'_ in his head. He frowns, and walks slowly towards Jaemjn' bed.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Renjun asks as he pats the edge of the bed and he's answered with a shake of head and a _'I mind nothing right now but existing'_ in his head _._

Renjun sits quietly, watching Jaemin whose gaze is fixated on the ceiling. And it's so tense and somehow intimate that Renjun tries to dull down Jaemin's thoughts. Finding it distasteful to hear them. As if he's invading his privacy in the worst way possible. 

"I know we aren't that close, and we don't talk much," Renjun starts hesitantly, trying to gauge Jaemin's reaction from his face rather than his thoughts. Just like he does with Jeno. "But I am always here to listen. You can rest assured that I will listen with no judgment."

Jaemin's eyes seem to glisten under the light of the lamp by his side. And Renjun isn't sure if that's a good sign or not. But he fights his best against his instincts and blocks the boy's thoughts as much as he can. 

When Jaemin says nothing but gulp thickly, Renjun reaches for the boy's leg by him. He doesn't touch it, just floats his hand there until Jaemin nods at him. Getting the boy's permission, Renjun finally pat's Jaemin's leg, running his hand up and down his shin in comfort. 

They stay like that for a while. And if tear streaks appear on Jaemin's cheeks, Renjun doesn't say anything about it. And if Jaemin thinks anything personal, Renjun hears none of it, focusing solely on Jaemin's breathing and the memory of Jeno's singing voice in his head. The remnant of the latter's voice, that Renjun's memory is clutching on, seems to be his strongest anchor at the moment. 

Jaemin composes himself after what feels like ten minutes, but could as well be way less. He sits up properly, wiping at his face while Renjun pulls his hand away, now that the other boy's leg is a stretch away. 

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" Jaemin asks with an air of humor, obviously trying to pretend whatever just happened, didn't. Renjun respects him for that, glad he has successfully turned Jaemin's thoughts into white noise. 

"I just wanted someone's company. I hope I wasn't a bother by trying to seek it from you." Renjun answers, playing with his hands nervously, his eyes focused on them rather than the boy in front of him. 

"Of course not." Jaemin exclaims, making Renjun averts his eyes to look at him, surprised to see his wide characteristic smile plastered on his face. "I don't mind one bit. But why didn't you go to Donghyuck, if I may ask?" 

Renjun senses that his answer is more important to Jaemin than the latter is letting on, so he smiles and tries to answer with the same nonchalant air Jaemin used to ask his question, but also makes sure he's sounding sincere. "He's with Mark. But to be honest with you, I was glad an opportunity to talk with you presented itself to me."

Jaemin nods, as if satisfied with the answer, before asking. "When's your classes for today?"

"Euh," Renjun scratches his head. "If I am not mistaken, they only start in the afternoon."

"If that's the case," Jaemin starts hesitantly, a small doubtful smile on his face. "We can play some games before you have to go? My classes start pretty late today too, so I can afford to slack off." 

Renjun grins widely. "I would love that." 

  
  
  
  


Renjun doesn't expect to enjoy spending time with Jaemin that much. But he's genuinely having fun playing with the other boy, whom he discovers has not even one drop of competitiveness. It's a good change from Mark who's naturally good at games and Donghyuck who knows every trick and cheat play to win. And so playing with Jaemjn truly feels like a fresh breath of air. 

Renjun cheers when he wins, and all Jaemin does is smile and congratulate him. This time, Renjun tells him how different he is from his friends, who are both the biggest sore losers ever. Jaemin's eyebrows furrow slightly at that and Renjun is afraid he has said the wrong thing. 

"Good different or bad different?" Jaemin wonders. 

"Good different." Renjun affirms. "They are lucky enough that I put up with them. But playing with you is less stressful. I mean playing with them is fun too. But change is good, right?" 

Jaemin chews on his lips and Renjun feels the need to tell him not to do that when the other boy's lips are obviously gravely chapped. He leaves the comment to himself though. 

"If you say so." Jaemin mutters, before checking the time on his phone. "Shouldn't we get something for lunch before you go to class?"

"Right, right. We should." Renjun answers absentmindedly, having been lost in thoughts about Jaemin while simultaneously escaping thoughts coming from Jaemin. The latter being quite exhausting but somehow effective. Renjun has never thought that it can work this well, but now that he learnt to rely on people's body language and their tones from interacting with Jeno, it seems that focusing on doing that can dim the voices in his head that aren't from his own thoughts. 

  
  
  


They order takeout, and chat a little while waiting for it. They purposely steer away from personal or deep subjects, keeping the conversation light and casual. It stays like that even when their food arrives and even as they eat. And when Renjun finally leaves to his class, alone with his thoughts after overexerting himself by trying not to hear Jaemin's own, he doesn't know what to think about anymore. Thoughts jumping from one subject to another. Or rather, from one boy to another. 

Thankfully classes take his mind off of it all, and the numerous train of thoughts plucking his mind are a distraction he didn't know he needed. 

  
  
  


He doesn't think of Jeno and his deep voice until he's face to face with him in their apartment. Renjun's eyes widen, and he feels a heat creeping its way to his face. Jeno seems to have a similar reaction, scratching his neck while looking quite flustered. No one says a word, just staring at each other, until Donghyuck appears from the kitchen, walking between the two unnecessarily just to get to the living room. 

"Snap out of it you two. We aren't trying to roll a soap opera here."

The two finally snap out if it per Donghyuck's demand, before they both join him silently on the couch. Jeno a familiar presence during their movie nights now. 

They watch the movie in relative silence, and Renjun is thankful Donghyuck doesn't seem to be trying to pull any of his mind tricks on Jeno. 

Donghyuck sleeps midway through the movie, and once it's over and the other two leave the couch, Jeno fixes Donghyuck so he's laying down properly, while Renjun runs to his friend's room to fetch his blanket and pillow. He tucks Donghyuck in properly and leaves a kiss on his cheek as he wishes him a goodnight, before moving towards his room. 

He expects to find Jeno's door closed with the boy inside already, but he's surprised to see the latter in the middle of the hallway, almost causing Renjun to bump into his back. Renjun steps to the side, glancing at Jeno, who seems to be looking at something on his phone. His face looks solemn and Renjun can feel it all. Jeno's nervousness, sadness and even a hint of anger. And if he focuses much he can almost taste a tinge of guilt. He leaves wondering why he can read Jeno's emotions this well to another time, wanting to focus solely on the rigid boy beside him. 

"Something happened?" 

"Huh?" Jeno mutters in confusion, snapping out of the daze he is in to raise his head and look at Renjun. And once his eyes fall on the latter, he braces himself, forcing a smile on his face. But it looks nothing like Jeno's usual smile. Not when it doesn't reach his eyes. Not when his lips shake involuntary. "No. Nothing happened. What would happen?"

Renjun stares deeply into Jeno's eyes and his wavering smile before ordering. "Come here." But he doesn't wait for an answer, pulling Jeno by the wrist to his own room instead. 

He tries not to think about the fact that this is the first time the other boy enters his room, thoughts still fully focused on Jeno, whom he pushes to sit on his bed, crouching down by him to match eyelevel with him. 

"Now breathe."

Jeno tries to breathe, but it comes haggard and his hands shake. Renjun contemplates holding his hands but decides to ask for permission first.

"Hey, Jeno." He calls softly. "Look at me." When anxious eyes fall on him he smiles softly, trying to calm the boy even though the same feeling of anxiety seems to be bubbling in his throat. "Can I hold your hand?" 

Jeno nods and so Renjun does just that. Running his thumbs on Jeno's knuckles. "Now breathe deeply." 

Jeno nods, trying to do so again but failing. Renjun keeps his soft smile through it all, encouraging Jeno to keep looking at him. 

"It's fine if you can't do it properly the first time. Just follow my lead and you will be fine, okay?" 

Jeno nods, and so Renjun starts showing him how to do it, inhaling deeply for eight seconds and then exhaling for eight more. Jeno follows suite, his breathing keeps on shaking the first tries but the more he does it the more it starts following a natural rhythm. 

But even with Jeno breathing clamily now, eyes no longer shaking as he holds Renjun gaze, the latter doesn't let go of his hands, nor does he drop his smile, even when his legs starts aching from the uncomfortable position.

"How do you feel now?" Renjun questions softly. 

"Better." Jeno smiles, and even though it's a small smile, it reaches his eyes, and that's all Renjun cares about. He also knows that Jeno's answer is truthful when he could feel the anxiety that was stuck on his throat earlier dissipating. 

"Can I sit by you? Renjun asks, feeling his legs about to give in.

Jeno snorts. "It's your bed."

Renjin rolls his eyes at that, before a groan escapes his lips as he tries to stand up and sit by Jeno. "Smart-ass." 

In this position, Renjun finds it comfortable to hold only one hand of Jeno's, and the latter holds into him tightly, as if afraid Renjun will let go any moment now. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Renjun wonders. 

"I don't know." Jeno mumbles. "Maybe a small part." 

"Of course." Renjun assures. 'I won't ask any questions. You tell me as much or as little as you please."

"Okay." Jeno says, seeming more comfortable now, as he turns to Renjun properly, trying to ground himself by fixating his eyes on Renjun's own. "I received a message." He starts slowly. "From mom." He pauses, watching for Renjun's reaction, but when the latter seems to only listen attentively, he continues. "My relationship with my parents isn't the best. And that's an understatement, but I really don't want to go there. Anyways, she told me to come pick whatever of my stuff I need from home before she throws it away."

Renjun nods in understanding, prompting Jeno to continue when he senses that the latter still has things to say. "Well to put it short and simple, I got anxious because I really really don't want to go home and God forbid meet my parents. But there are some papers I left home that I need, and other stuff I would love to get back. Not only that, but it will be hard getting all that while travelleing by public transport, however I don't think I have another option. Getting a taxi will be too expensive and I am trying to save up." He breathes deeply after his hefty, emotional rant. 

"Your reaction is more than understandable. It's totally natural." Renjun assures, patting Jeno's hand. "But you'll be alright. We will find a solution."

Jeno tilts his head to the side in confusion, but there's hope shining in his eyes. "We?" 

"Yes. I will try to help you with what I can. So don't worry-"

"-my pretty head about it?" Jeno smirks. 

Renjun whines, cheeks coloring. "I am trying to help you and this is what I get?" 

Jeno laughs, and Renjun realizes he can take whatever embarrassment just to hear that laugh. 

"I am sorry, I am sorry. I just like how your cheeks color when you get embarrassed." Jeno winks playfully. 

"I didn't think you would be this evil." Renjun muttered with a hiss, pulling his hand away from the boy in front of him. 

"There's still a lot you don't know about me, Huang Renjun." The sentence is said with the same playful air Jeno has been emitting but Renjun could tell it holds a heavier weight.

"That I don't." Renjun comments, listening to the heavy silence in his head that comes with being with Jeno. "It's a first, you know." He finds himself admitting. 

Jeno moves closer if possible, listening attentively to Renjun. "How come?" 

Renjun shrugs, trying to play up the role of nonchalance. "I am just really good at reading people." He pauses, staring at Jeno's dark deep eyes, that show nothing but curiosity and interest. "But you seem to be an exception." 

Jeno grins prettily. "I disagree though." 

Renjun raises his eyebrows in confusion. "Why?" 

"It's because without me even saying anything you somehow still always pick up on how I feel." 

Jeno's eyes are full of sincerity and wonder that Renjun almost drowns in it, feeling a pull he can't explain. 

"It's your eyes." Renjun finds himself saying, as if in a trance. 

Jeno hums in question. 

Renjun inches closer, and anything closer would have made their lips meet. "Your eyes seem to tell me everything."

Jeno's cheeks color, laughing embarrassedly and breaking whatever trance Renjun was in. And so the latter inches back, resting his palms on the bed behind him for support. But his heart doesn't slow its beating.

Jeno scratches his arm, and Renjun realizes that scratching himself is one of Jeno's nervous ticks. It makes him wonder what exactly is making the boy nervous. 

"I see." He laughs nervously. "Well then thank you for being so kind and helpful. I'll leave you to sleep now." 

Renjun watches Jeno stands hastily, tripping his way to the door without look around.

"Good night." Renjun calls out but he doubts Jeno heard him.

  
  


Renjun doesn't get to tell Donghyuck about the singing accident until the next day. They share a coffee break at their university, the weather not too cold to prevent them from sitting outside but not too warm for an iced Americano. Renjun gets tea for himself, and watches Donghyuck click at the coffee option in the vending machine. 

"Isn't this your forth cup of coffee for the day?"

Donghyuck scowl. "Mind your business."

_Please help me from my monsters._

Renjun snorts, patting Donghyuck's back. "Only you can do that, my friend."

Donghyuck huffs as they walk silently to a bench under one of the big trees behind their library, shielding themselves from the afternoon sun. 

"So, you're telling me you heard him singing in your head?" 

Renjun nods.

"And you're positive it came from his mind and not mouth?"

Renjun nods again.

"Well," Donghyuck starts, as if about to announce a brilliant discovery. "I think that," he pauses in thought before sighing. "Yeah, no I got nothing." 

Renjun groans. "I knew that from your thoughts but I somehow still had hope."

Donghyuck shrugs. "Not my problem you're a fool." He then adds. "But I seriously don't get it. The more we find out about Jeno, the more confused we get." 

"You're finally saying something I can agree with." 

Donghyuck jabs at Renjun's shoulder, almost making him spill his tea. 

Renjun turns to him with a murderous glare. "I would have killed you if that got on my clothes."

"Oh, I am so scared." Donghyuck complains, acting up the role. 

_Not when you're so cute while you're mad_

Renjun huffs. "Don't flirt with me through your thoughts." 

"Keep being mad about it. You're just proving my point." He smiles cheekily. 

"Isn't this considered cheating?" Renjun asks just to get Donghyuck to finally stop. 

Donghyuck shrugs. "Not when Mark thinks you're cute too. You would know, you heard his thoughts." 

Rsnjun sighs, facepalming. "I hate you both."

"Why not love us and join a happy relationship?" 

Renjun wails. "Someone get me out of here."

Donghyuck laughs maniacally. 

  
  
  
  


Renjun doesn't know many people with cars, it comes with being a broke university student trying to get by. He, himself, is saving up for one, even a used, beaten up one would. But he knows Mark, and Mark knows Yukhei and Yukhei has a car, so technically Renjun has a car. He uses puppy eyes at Mark for it and sends a very polite and nice message to Yukhei for it and even agrees on Yukhei and Mark joining them. But at the end of the day he has a car. Therefore technicalities don't matter. 

So he goes to tell Jeno the good news, knocking on his door softly, and only entering once he hears Jeno's calling for him to come in

He finds Jeno nose deep in his notes, glasses framing his eyes. He thinks the sight is endearing, but shakes his head to get the thought away, yet he finds it hard when there are no other thoughts to distract him. 

Jeno raises his head towards Renjun, face eliminated only by the lamp on his desk, giving more depth to his sharp features. 

"What are you doing there by the door? Come in." 

Renjun walks in slowly, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Jeno laughs at him before he points at his bed. 

"Just sit there. Why are you suddenly so awkward?"

Renjun chuckles sheepishly, wondering what Jeno thought of his weird behavior. "No reason. I am just awkward by nature. It still comes out sometimes." 

Jeno smiles. "Don't worry about it. I was just playing." Then he turns in his chair to be directly facing Renjun, sprawled comfortably on the chair and Renjun tries not to stare. Finding it especially difficult to tear his gaze away from the strip of skin revealed above Jeno's black jogging, due to his white tee riding up slightly. 

"I am here to relay some good and some bad news. So what do you want first?"

Jeno hums in thoughts before replaying. "Bad." 

Renjun fights a smile. "We have to endure being around Mark and his roommate for a cumulative of 4 hours." 

Jeno's eyebrows raise in confusion, and he moves closer to Renjun in the way he does when someone peaks his attention, elbows on his knees and hands clasped. "So, what are the good news?" 

Renjun grins. "I scored us a drive to your parents house." 

Jeno's eyes widen in surprise, and in a span of seconds, Renjun can sense several feelings from the other. Relief, appreciation and comfort but also nervousness, indebtedness and fear. Renjun feels a pull to hug the boy but resists it. Patting his shoulder reassuringly instead. 

"You won't be alone. So you really don't have to worry your pretty head about it."

Jeno's eyes droop in appreciation, a grateful smile tugging at his lips. "Thank you so much, Renjun. You don't know how much this means to me." 

Renjun chuckles. "That's what friends are for." 

"Not all friends would do this." Jeno says solemnly, facial expression turning somber and even the feeling Renjun gets is plucked with darkness. 

"You're right. Not all friends are good ones. But the good one would do this and more. Not saying I am a good friend or anything, but I try." 

Jeno laughs, and the tensed atmosphere between them evaporates just like that, and Renjun is back to feeling warm all over. 

"So, our rendezvous is this weekend." Renjun declares. 

Jeno grins and Renjun is glad it reaches his eyes. "Sounds good to me."

  
  
  


The weekend rolls in quickly, especially when the boys are all busy with classes and homework due in insane deadlines . 

Yukhei rolls in his volkswagen golf 7 and even though the car is relatively comfy and spacious, it looks tiny compared to the tall man, who walks out of it to greet and introduce himself to the two boys by the apartment complex, huddled in their coats while waiting for the other two. 

The moment Yukhei is close by, Renjun realizes he has made the biggest mistake of his entire life. And don't get him wrong, Yukhei is lovely, but his thoughts. His thoughts are, without a doubt the most obnoxious Renjun ever heard. They went so fast and left even faster, they were about everything and also nothing and Renjun just couldn't get them away from his mind. 

In that moment, he understood how precious Jeno's company truly is. 

Introductions over with and once in the car, they greet Mark, who exclaims that he's excited to have found an opportunity to visit his parents, since apparently they live close by Jeno's. And at the mention of his parents, Jeno clams up, only humming in agreement. 

Renjun sighs, as he realizes that feeling Jeno's nervousness and hearing both Mark and Yukhei's thoughts is a recipe for disaster. 

He puts his earphones in, and recommends Jeno to sleep off his nerves before doing so himself. Finding sleep his only escape from his agonizing fate. 

  
  
  
  


Renjun wakes up when they are only halfway through the trip. Mark seems to be asleep and thankfully Renjun doesn't get subjected to people's dreams as well. While Yukhei busies himself with singing along the songs that are playing softly on the radio, which works really well for Renjun, who really doesn't want to get a headache. 

He glances at Jeno, who has his head on the window. And it's weird that Renjun can't tell if he's awake or not, when it's something he has always been able to do. He bends even more, stretching to get a look at Jeno's face, taken back when he finds dark eyes looking back at him. 

"What are you doing?" Jeno questions in bewilderment. 

"I don't know." Renjun blurts, feeling flustered as he sits back on his side of the car. 

"So, you woke up." Jeno states. 

"Yes." Renjun unnecessarily answers. 

And then they stare intensely at each other, before both burst in laughter. Shocking Yukhei who jumps in his seat and almost swerves the car into the side while Mark whines about the noise and nestles his face even more into the window, mouth ajar, resulting in puffs of air blurring the glass. 

This makes them lower their laughter, replacing it with chuckles and hushed giggles. And it feels like whenever Jeno's smile blooms, Renjun gets that warm feeling that he quite enjoys back. 

  
  


They spend the rest of the trip singing along with Yukhei, who misses the actual lyrics more than he doesn't. But he still sings the wrong ones enthusiastically, which only prompts the other boys to join him, fumbling over the lyrics loudly in excitement. 

This time Mark doesn't wake up with a groan, but rather joins in the karaoke party they started inside the car with the same enthusiasm. 

And amidst it all, Renjun glances at Jeno, feeling his joy and excitement, and smiles in relief. 

  
  
  
  
  


Once they leave the highway and drive into narrower roads, Jeno's anxiety pikes again. Renjun feels it thumbing in his own bloodstream, and so he reaches for Jeno's hand, while keeping eye-contact with him. Jeno doesn't make any grimace to show distaste to Renjun's holding his hand so he goes for it. And runs his thumb comfortingly across his hand. 

"It will be fine." He whispers so the other two boys don't hear them, even though they seem too busy arguing about which artist is better between their favorite singers and which of their playlists is superior than the other. 

"I just don't know how I'll face them." Jeno mumbles. "I am hoping dad won't be home. But since it's the weekend, I don't want to keep my hopes up."

"It must be tough, Jeno. And I really sympathize with your sentiment but I can never understand it or imagine it." Renjun then pauses, an idea coming up to him and before he can think it through he blurts it. "All I can offer is my support. And if you really don't think you can do it, you can just describe to me what you need and I'll try to get it for you."

Jeno's eyes fill up with unshed tears, which prompt Renjum to squeeze his hand reassuringly. 

"You've already done so much for me Renjun. And I don't even know how I can ever repay you. If you do that to me as well, I don't think I'll be able to ever look you in the eye again. I'll be too indebted." 

"Jeno." He says in a tone of reprimand, a deep frown on his face. "I would do this one million times and more for you. I know we haven't known each other for long but I already care for you and don't want to see you hurting. And I am sure you'll get opportunities to help me. So, if you think this might help you, please let me do it for you." 

Jeno pauses, taking in Renjun's words and the sincerity in them before nodding. "I do want your help. You don't have to go in there alone. But if you can accompany me there, I will be really appreciative." 

"Will do." Renjun grins before adding slyly. "I can even hold your hands through it all, you seem to enjoy that." 

Jeno colors even more before retorting. "You always initiate it. Don't act like you don't enjoy it as well." 

Renjun chuckles. "Never claimed otherwise."

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun does hold his hand through it. While they go down the car. While they bid Mark and Yukhei goodbye as the latter drives their friend to his parentss house. And while they walk the distance between the driveway and the front door. 

Jeno's hand turns cold as they stand in front of the door. And Renjun can almost feel it shake. He squeezes it and smiles at the boy who raises his eyes at him. 

"Do the honor." Renjun exclaims, gesturing for the doorbell. 

Jeno inhales deeply, counting to eight just like Renjun taught him, before exhaling deeply and slamming the door open. He then turns to Renjun, who's staring at him with his mouth hanging agape. 

"They don't deserve such courtesy."

"You're absolutely right. I just didn't expect you to.." Renjun trails off. 

Jeno grins. "I could do it only because I have you on my side." 

Having done and said that, Jeno still feels his anxiety peaking, bubbling and spilling in the seams of his mind. And Renjun feels it too, drowning his heart in black acid. 

Jeno steps into the house as if stepping on a minefield, and it might as well feel the same way. They linger by the entery, taking their shoes off and listening in for any noise that indicates who's home. 

They hear footsteps before Jeno's mother makes her appearance. And for Renjun, he hears thoughts before anything. 

Distasteful thoughts, disgusting thoughts. Thoughts a mother should never think about her son. 

Renjun wonders if Jeno would have refused letting Renjun join him if he knew the latter could know everything his mother thought. 

She finally stands before them, and Jeno seems to cower at her presence. But Renjun holds his ground, trying his hardest not to let her filthy thoughts get to him, especially since hearing them this way made it seem like they were aimed at him. 

Looking them up and down in distaste, she zeroes in on their interlaced hands, before scoffing. "You really brought your boyfriend here with you?"

_And here I thought he will grow out of his stupid gay phase_

Renjun colors, but rather than embarrassment it's rage that makes the blood rush to his face . The tone the woman directed at her own son paired with her homophobic, disgusting thoughts setting something off in him. Especially when Jeno seems to only cower more and more into himself. 

"It's none of your business what he does." Renjun spits, feeling accomplished when the woman seems to be rendered speechless. 

_How can this imbecile talk to me like that? I should be kicking him out and dumping Jeno's stupid stuff in the dumpster._

Renjun smirks, knowing that the woman is too much of a coward to do that. Running her mouth being her only speciality. So he ignores her, pulling Jeno behind him and up the stairs. 

"Where's your room?" 

"On the left." Jeno answers softly. "The one at the end of the hallway."

"Got you." Renjun squeezes his hand. "I told you Jeno. I Got you." 

Jeno smiles a small quirk of his lips, and even if Renjun can't see it, he somehow feels it. 

"I knew that but you still exceeded my expectations."

Renjun laughs heartily. "I live to surprise."

  
  
  
  


They make quick work of packing everything Jeno needs, Renjun squeezing pretty or memorable stuff Jeno doesn't want to bring with them due to lack of space, assuring him that they can always decorate the living room with them if they don't fit in his room. And soon the room is devoided of any soul, bare of anything that indicates that Jeno Lee used to own it. Just like his parents must want. 

They call Yukhei once they are done, who tells them he's only ten minutes away. Renjun asks him to come inside and help them with the bags once he gets there, and he agrees eagerly. 

Once they end the call, they sit in somber silence, with Renjun playing with his fingers and Jeno scratching at his arm. While also ignoring the clacking noise Jeno's mother seems to deliberately make downstairs. As if the sound alone will send them away. 

"I am sorry for her behavior. " Jeno mutters. 

Renjun shakes his head. "You have nothing to apologize for. You are not responsible for her or her behavior. You didn't do anything wrong. The only thing linking the two of you is blood. Plus, the Jeno I know is sweet and kind and genuine, nothing like what that woman showed me earlier, so I really believe the only thing she left in you is blood."

Jeno nods in apprehension before saying. "I am glad dad wasn't here though. He would have been a nightmare." Running a hand on his face in frustration, he adds. "I am tired of this stupid cycle where they treat me like shit but I feel too guilty to stand up for myself because at the end of the day they are my parents. And society taught us to never disrespect them."

"Fuck society." Renjun exclaims, feeling Jeno's dilemma in its entirety. "Society also taught us that being anything but a cis straight person is wrong. That physical traits which make us different are flaws and therefore turn us ugly. It taught us that race determines how you treat somebody. It made us think women are below us and don't deserve as much as we do. And I am sure you agree that these are things we shouldn't go by." 

Jeno nods in affirmation. "Absolutely." 

"So why let it dictate how it makes us live? We shouldn't let society interfere in our decisions even if rationally they sound somehow logical. Respect is earned, and no one should get respect unless they respect you back. Not family, not friends, not anyone."

Jeno smiles. "You're really smart."

Renjun colors, and this time it's from embarrassment. "I try."

"No, seriously, you are." Jeno affirms. "You don't know how much your words helped me right now. I will be living by those words from now on."

Renjun grins, squeezing Jeno's hand comfortingly, something that seems to be becoming a habit of theirs, just like hand holding. "I am glad to hear that. I only want the best for you." 

Jeno laughs. "Easy there, tiger. We just met." 

Renjun frowns. "Listen, Jeno Lee. You were already added to my list of people that I must protect the moment I held your hand in my room, there is no escape for you now." 

"Works for me." Jeno smiles prettily. "I don't want to escape either."

Renjun mirrors Jeno's smile, feeling a contentment he hasn't felt in so long, Jeno's joy radiating from him and rubbing itself on Renjun as well. 

The moment is cut when Yukhei slams the door open, his thoughts angry and all over the place that they almost knock Renjun down. He seems to calm down when he sees the two boys holding hands and smiling at each other. But that doesn't work well when Yukhei's thoughts become more comprehensible that way. 

_How dare she call me a faghag! I wonder what she would have said if she knew I was in fact a fucking fag._

_I can't imagine what filthy shit she said to her son! He might be just a new friend but I won't sit still and let anyone hurt my friend!! She must have made Renjun feel like shit too._

_I am not one to hit woman but I really want to fling her to another dimension_

Renjun stands, striding to Yukhei and calling for him. "Hey, calm down. You seem to be stressed." 

Yukhei sighs. "It's just that," he starts to say then glances towards Jeno who's sitting on the bed and shakes his head. "Nevermind."

"Look, you don't have to be like that. We both know that that woman downstairs is a bad person." Renjun says, refraining from calling that person Jeno's mother. "She might have hurt Jeno in the past but she won't anymore. And we might not be able to do anything to hurt her back. But I think the best we can do is to be proud of ourselves and of Jeno, and show her that he can do this without them and live the life he deserves."

Yukhei nods. "He will live the best life ever. I will make sure of that."

Renjun laughs and turns to Jeno to gesture from him to stand up so they can leave, only to find the boy crying in his hands.

Renjun hurries to his side, and after asking for permission and getting a small nod, takes him in his arms. "What's wrong, Jeno? Did I say something wrong?" 

"No, no," Jeno says between hiccups. "Of course not. I am just overwhelmed with your guys' support. I can't believe I found such good people in such a short period of time." 

Yukhei's eyes and thoughts that were shaking in panic soften at Jeno's words, before he joins their hug. "I love you guys."

"We just met." Jeno exclaims jokingly between sobs. Laughing a tearful laugh with the other two. 

  
  
  


They successfully move Jeno's bags to the car without hearing a word from the woman there. Most likely due to Yukhei's glare that could have killed her on the spot. 

Once in the car, Yukhei starts playing calm songs and Renjun appreciates his thought about wanting to calm Jeno with that. 

Jeno on the other hand seems exhausted. Probably overwhelmed from the events of the day. His eyes blink slowly, as if he will fall asleep any second now, and Renjun chuckles at the endearing sight. 

"You want to sleep?" 

Jeno hums, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, and making Renjun wonder how more adorable can the other boy get.

Renjun shakes his own intruding thoughts away, before patting at his lap. "Wanna use me as a pillow?" 

Jeno hesitates for a second before resigning and nodding with a small chuckle, resting his head on Renjun's lap. The latter absentmindedly playing with his hair, watching Jeno's peacefully sleeping face with a soft smile.

_HE'S SO WHIPPED HOLY SHIT!!_

Renjun snaps his head at Yukhei, ready to strangle him from behind, but then realizes the boy hasn't said the sentence out loud. He huffs in resigned anger. 

_They look so cute though_

_And Jeno seems to really appreciate Renjun_

_My babies !! I would die for them_

Renjun tries not to giggle. No longer mad at Yukhei. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Share your thoughts with meee !! It makes my day ! And I love to hear what you think <33 
> 
> Also thank you so much for the support <33


	5. Hey now, we'll be okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for depression and suicidal thoughts
> 
> Be safe guys and feel free to ask me for which parts to skip if you don't want to read any triggering parts
> 
> And as always, thanks for the support!! Can't believe I already hit 1k hits and your comments are lovely !! I appreciate you all <<3 
> 
> Happy reading !!

They pick up Mark from his parents' house right after, and if Mark looks at Renjun with curious eyes, and asks him unanswered questions through his thoughts, Renjun pretends he doesn't see nor hear it. 

Jeno, on the other hand, sleeps through the whole two hours trip. And when Renjun stops playing with Jeno's hair, afraid it's interfering with the latter's sleep, Jeno whines. Renjun tries not to laugh loudly, hoping he hasn't imagined the small smile on Jeno's face once Renjun runs his fingers in his hair again. 

Once home, Jeno and Renjun both go up the stairs groggily, Renjun having also slept the second half of the trip. They ignore Donghyuck who's sat in the living room and beeline to their rooms. They laugh at each other when they reach their rooms' doors, back facing each other. And Renjun feels true contentment when he dives in his bed to continue his sleep. 

  
  
  
  
  


The next day is thankfully a Saturday, and Jeno uses it to organize the stuff he brought from his parents' house. Renjun helps him as promised, giving him ideas on where to place stuff and helping him move the ones they decide to decorate the living room with. 

And slowly, Jeno's room starts feeling more like him. Plaques of competitions he has won, posters of sports' teams he likes, a guitar at the corner of the room under the window and school pictures from primary and middle school. Renjun notices a lack of personal pictures, not only pictures with family but even with friends, but he holds off any comment he has on that. He smiles softly instead at tiny Jeno cramped between his classmates, his familiar eye-smile expression on his face. 

Satisfied with their handy work, they move to the living room, throwing their bodies on the couches and groaning in exhaustion. 

"Thank you." Jeno calls, and Renjun can't help but laugh at the weird position the former is in, in his attempt to fit his body in their two seats couch. 

"I promised I would help." Renjun reminds. "You can always lean on me." 

Jeno smiles contentedly. "That's nice to hear." 

They lay there in silence for a while, before they hear the front door open. And when they peek at the source of noise in curiosity, they see Jaemin walking in tiredly. 

"Hey, guys." He acknowledges them and they answer him with the same unenthusiastic tone, too tired to fake cheerfulness. 

"You guys look real worn-out." Jaemin comments as he walks up behind the couch Renjun is laying in. "What have you been doing?"

"Fixing up Jeno's room." Renjun exclaims. "We even got to decorate the living room too." 

_ They sure seem close. And here I am, not even knowing what Jeno's room looks like.  _

_ Would love to blame them but I am obvious the problem here _

Renjun bites down a groan, failing to ignore Jaemin's thoughts. 

"That's nice." Jaemin comments, leaving his thoughts to himself. 

"It is." Jeno affirms. "I am glad we got to do that." 

Jaemin nods, walking to the TV stand where a small sculpture of a blue tiny house lays, the word 'home' engraved under it. "This one's new too?" He asks as he turns to the two boys, getting a nod from Jeno. 

"It's really pretty." Jaemin compliments, running his finger over the golden letters on the little decorative.

_ Home. That's a word I haven't said or heard, let alone feel, in a while.  _

Renjun closes his eyes, hoping that would make the thoughts disappear, but it only makes them louder. 

"I like it." He hears Jaemin say, and opens his eyes to see him put it back in its place. 

"You can have it." Jeno suddenly speaks up, sitting properly. 

"No, no." Jaemin hurriedly gets out. "I didn't say that so you'd give it to me. I didn't mean it that way." 

Jeno smiles genuinely, and Renjun can feel his sincerity. "I know that, Jaemin. But I want you to have it. You seem to like it even more than I do. And, I didn't get to do anything to you since I moved in. So, let me do this. Please."

Jaemin gulps, reaching out for the sculpture and holding it securely. "Thank you." He then breathes in deeply before adding. "I know I haven't been present that much either. I will make sure to do something for you too." He laughs. "It's funny actually. We have lived in the same apartment for two months, almost, and we haven't been in each other's room even once." 

"Well, that's easy to change." Jeno comments. "It might have taken us two months of being distant. But it will only take us a second to break that." He then strides to Jaemin's room, stopping by his door with his hand on its handle. "Can I?" 

Jaemin nods, a grin slowly growing on his face. 

Jeno opens the door, walking into the room confidently. He turns to Jaemin once he's inside, his wide smile still plastered on his face. "Give me." He gestures to the small house in the other boy's hold. 

Jaemin tentatively hands out the sculpture, watching Jeno with careful eyes as Jeno glances over the room before deciding to place the house by Jaemin's nightstand. "Hopefully, this makes the place feel more like home for you." 

Jaemin gulps, and Renjun steps back to give him some privacy, preventing himself from hearing the latter's thoughts. 

Jaemin's eyes shimmer with unshed tears as he looks at Jeno, his hands shaking by his sides. "Thank you." 

Jeno walks up to Jaemin, patting his shoulder comfortingly. "You're always welcome." He grins. "Now, do you want to join me and Renjun to watch a movie?" 

Renjun smiles at the suggestion, glad that Jeno is able to calm down Jaemin's thoughts without even knowing the gist of them. Something Renjun isn't sure he would have known how to do. But again, he did the same for Jeno. So maybe, he's just being hard on himself. 

Jaemin grins, looking back at Renjun before turning to Jeno. "Of course."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"What if," 

Renjun smiles humorlessly at Donghyuck over the lunch table in their university court. "No." 

"No, please," Donghyuck whines. "Hear me out." 

"Honey. Your thoughts live in my head rent free. I  _ know _ what you're about to say." Renjun reminds with a roll of his eyes. 

Donghyuck pouts. "It's not a bad idea though. What if mind readers only communicate with songs!?"

Renjun sighs. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. And I knew you my whole life."

"Insult noted for later. But really, you wouldn't know until you try." Donghyuck presses on with big convincing eyes. 

"You always get me with that one stupid argument." Renjun complains in resignation. "I don't know why I always do this with you when I just give in every time." 

Donghyuck winks. "It's my charm." 

Renjun shakes his head. "It really isn't."

_ You know it is.  _

Renjun glares at him.

_ So, what did you mean by and I quote 'that's the stupidest thing you heard and you have known me your whole life' ? _

Renjun averts his eyes from Donghyuck's piercing ones. Stuffing his face with food to avoid answering. 

_ Pussy.  _

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun, while ignoring his gut feeling, tries to do as Donghyuck asks. Singing in his head while trying not to cringe. 

Jeno doesn't mind him at first, and when Renjun turns to donghyuck by his side on the couch, the latter only urges him to continue. 

So renjun does. 

And soon Jeno starts humming the same melody. 

"I like this song." He comments cheerfully, unaware of the frozen boy by him. 

Donghyuck's snickers at Renjun's reaction and the way his face is losing color. He pinches Renjun's side. "You hummed it out loud." 

Renjun whips his head to Donghyuck in surprise. "I did?"

Donghyuck shakes his head. "What a lost case." 

  
  


Thankfully, Donghyuck stops pestering Renjun about singing to Jeno. And the whole situation passes like that. Although, Donghyuck still doesn't give up on the idea that Jeno can read minds. Even when all his plans have failed so far. 

That relieves Renjun from thinking about the whole issue, and gives him an opportunity to enjoy his time with Jeno in peace. The silence that accompanies the boy becoming more calming than haunting. And the feelings that follow Jeno's presence turning into a source of joy rather than stress. 

They stretch on the three seats couch, each of them on either side. It's quiet and dark, their only source of light being the TV. They are left alone after Donghyuck stood them up for a date with Mark while Jaemin left the house once they were done with the movie. 

It's comfortable and familiar. And Renjun feels that warm sensation that creeps up his chest whenever he's around Jeno. The latter smiles at him, as if aware of his feelings, and Renjun can do nothing but melt some more, smiling back. 

"What do you think of swinging to my part time job?" Jeno asks suddenly. 

Renjun sits up to stare at Jeno curiously, leg accidently brushing against Jeno's. "I don't know." He answers honestly. "What's your part time job? I mean, not be rude but I don't want to join you through a boring activity."

Jeno holds his heart jokingly. "You wound me, Huang Renjun."

Renjun isn't sure why that makes his face colors, but it does. And he soon learns not to question such things. 

"No, seriously. What would I be joining in?" 

"I actually work at this local cutesy coffee shop. I wanted to invite you for a drink." Jeno grins. "My treat. So I can pay you back a little for all the support you've given me lately."

Renjun frowns. "You don't need to pay me back though. You know that, right?"

"I know. I know. I just want to spoil you." Jeno's smile turns into a sly one. "Can I? Or would you refuse my very humble offer?" 

Renjun giggles behind his hands, cheeks bright rose at this point. "You make it impossible for me to refuse now." 

Jeno furrows his eyebrows. "Do you wanna refuse, though? Because, I really don't want you to agree just because I pressured you." 

"Of course not." Renjun quickly assures. "Your company is lovely and I am sure the coffee shop you work at would be as well."

Renjun is glad when Jeno's smile turns back to his face at the words. 

"Perfect then." 

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun is only able to find time to visit Jeno during his shift at the end of the next week. The coffee shop holds up to the cutesy description Jeno gave it. Being a local business with small space but a comfortable vibe, warm tones painting the place and vintage, adorable decorations accentuating the comfy aura. 

There aren't many costumers inside, due to it being a late time of the day. Renjun is grateful for that, as he's able to turn their thoughts into white noise the moment he enters. His eyes search for a black haired boy and he finds him behind the counter, tending to orders. 

He walks up to him, only giving the man at the register a courtesy nod. Calling out for Jeno, he smiles at the confused noise the latter makes, before crescent eyes meet his. 

"You came." Jeno exclaims cheerfully.

Renjun smiles warmly. "Of course."

Jeno instructs Renjun to choose a table as the former prepares his order. The man in the register watches them curiously but doesn't say anything. 

Once his order is done, Jeno walks personally to Renjun's table to bring him his drink and a cheesecake piece he saw the latter eyeing. 

"Your order, sir." Jeno makes out between laughter. 

Renjun shakes his head. "You're so cringey." 

Jeno laughs as he joins Renjun at the table. "I am using my 10 minutes break on you and that's what I get?"

Renjun colors, eyes averting from the fake pout Jeno is making. "Sorry, sorry. I'll try to be more considerate."

Jeno chuckles at the flustered boy before gesturing to the food. "Eat up." 

Renjun frowns. "What about you?" 

"I am full." 

Renjun ignores that as he cuts a piece of the cheesecake with a fork and waves it at Jeno. "Say ah." 

This time, it's Jeno who turns red. "I am not a baby." 

Renjun smirks as he shoves the fork in Jeno's mouth when the boy speaks. "Yes, you are." 

They chat for the duration of Jeno's break and as Jeno is about to leave, a rowdy group of high schoolers enter the shop. Jeno greets them monotonously, unaware of Renjun, who freezes in his place, overwhelmed with the streams of thoughts in his head. 

He tries to ignore them, dull them out. Like he always does. But he can't. They are just too loud, too obnoxious and too ridiculous to ignore.

In such situations, Renjun would just leave, escape the toxic environment. But with Jeno there, he feels afraid of giving the other boy the wrong impression. 

Jeno soon notices Renjun, who seems to start shaking while he ignores his fight or flight response. 

Jeno approaches him, crouching down by him like Renjun did with him that one time. "Hey, Renjun, are you okay?" 

Blown-out eyes meet his own, and Jeno tries not to panic. "Breathe Jun. Just like you taught me to." Jeno instructs, showing Renjun how to do it and making him follow him. 

It doesn't help though, because even when he calms his own thoughts, the intrusive ones that aren't his still plagues his mind. "Can we get out of here?" Renjun pushes himself to say. 

"Of course, of course." Jeno stands, taking Renjun's hand and pulling him away. "Is the backroom okay?"

"Yes." Renjun answers. "Anywhere with less people."

They pass behind the counter and into the kitchen, but Renjun doesn't have time nor focus to look at it properly before they are making their way into a hallway on the right, taking the first door there. Inside is a small room with a TV, several couches, a beanbag, and even a coffee machine. 

Jeno pulls Renjun to the couch, which the latter soon finds out to be incredibly soft. Jeno sits by him, patting his hand to calm him down. 

"Is this better?" Jeno asks. 

"Yes." Renjun answers, resting his head on Jeno's shoulder, who freezes up at first but soon relaxes under the touch. 

Renjun waits for Jeno to speak again but when he doesn't, Renjun questions. "Why aren't you asking me anything?" 

"My curiosity can wait." Jeno answers. "Plus, I don't need an explanation if you don't want to give me one. As long as you're comfortable now, that's all that matters."

Feelings his heart lodged in his throat, Renjun mumbles. "Why are you so nice?" 

"I am only nice to people who deserve it." Jeno's the one who squeezes the other's hand this time. "And you sure deserve it." 

Renjun feels tears welling in his eyes, so he hides his face in Jeno's neck, trying hard not to sniff but fails miserably. Jeno feels him shake and puts his hand on his back, running it up and down in comfort. "I got you too, Jun."

Renjun smiles and Jeno shivers at the way he can feel his lips move against his skin. "Jun. I like the sound of that." 

Jeno smiles back even when Renjun can't see him, pulling him closer to him as he keeps on patting his back.

"I don't have a proper explanation, actually." Renjun starts. "But take it as if I have social anxiety. It's not exactly that, but the reaction is the same. So, I guess you would know what to expect." 

Jeno hums. "Thank you for explaining. And I might not understand it fully, but I will do my best to be there for you." He then adds as he starts running his hand through Renjun's soft, black locks. "So, please, always reach out for me when you need help."

Renjun smiles again, tickling Jeno who laughs. "I will." 

A moment passes, and the door slams while they are in the same position. A pretty man, a different one from the one at the register, walks in. He seems to care quite well about his fashion sense, and it's apparent not only from his clothes but various jewelry. And his presence alone is intimidating. 

But his thoughts tell a different story. As he seems to be thinking against actually lecturing Jeno for taking a longer break than he's allowed when he sees the two boys clinging to each other, Renjun's eyes rimmed with red. 

But before he says anything, Jeno stands, hiding Renjjn with his body as if shielding him. 

_ Is the kid gonna challenge me now? _

Renjun hears, but it sounds entertained more than threatening. 

"I am sorry I took such a long break before telling you beforehand. But, something came up."

The man nods in understanding, trying to peek at Renjun who's still hidden by Jeno.

_ Now would he let me see his boyfriend. Like damn!  _

Renjun tries not to laugh nor blush at the thought. Holding Jeno's hand as he stands beside him. "It's okay." He whispers into his ear. 

He then turns to the man in front of him, bowing slightly. "Hello. I am Renjun. Jeno's friend and flatmate. It's nice to meet you." 

The man nods at him. "It's nice to meet you as well. And I am ten. His boss" 

"And bane of my existence." Jeno jokes. 

"I will kill you." Ten threatens. 

_ My humour is rubbing on him.  _ He thinks instead.  _ They grow up so fast. _

Jeno snickers. "My point exactly." 

Ten walks towards Jeno, pulling at his ear. "That's no way of speaking to your elders."

Jeno whines, and he looks like a kid even when he towers over Ten. "Stop. Stop." He pouts when Ten finally lets go of him. "You're so mean. You're gonna scare Renjun." 

Ten turns to Renjun, who's staring at him with an amused gaze. "I bet your pretty friend would beg to differ." 

"Pretty?" Jeno exclaims, before he lets go of Renjun and starts dragging Ten away. "I won't let you flirt with my friends."

"I was just stating facts." Ten whines, standing by the door now, after pushing Jeno off him. "Don't pretend you don't think the same."

Jeno rolls his eyes. "Can you leave now? I'll be back soon." 

_ Kids these days.  _

"Okay, okay." He agrees with huff. "God, you're so demanding." 

Jenk grins. "Learnt from the best." 

Ten rolls his eyes before instructing. "I need you back in max fifteen minutes."

_ You say that and then he comes back after half an hour and you say nothing  _

_ Okay I know that, but you don't have to point it out  _

Renjun chuckles quietly, finding Ten quite the interesting character. 

"Will do." Jeno answers before fully pushing Ten out of the room. He goes back to Renjun, pulling him to sit back down with him. 

"Please, don't mind him. He might seem intimidating. But he's like a cat, there's an affectionate, nice Ten under all that bravado." 

Renjun laughs. "Don't worry about it. I could tell that much. I am a good judge of character." He adds after some thought. "Plus, you two seem like siblings." 

"Over my dead body." But Jeno is grinning widely so Renjun knows he doesn't mean it. 

  
  
  


Days pass and everyone goes back to being busy with classes. Yet, Renjun can sense that some things have changed. Now, Jeno is more comfortable and casual with them, and Jaemin joins them during their movie nights when he's free. But also, Donghyuck and Mark seem to fight more than not. 

It almost blows up during the next weekend. Renjun walks into the kitchen to find Donghyuck abusing a pancake with his fork. 

_ I swear to god if he really forgot I will break up with him. I don't care anymore.  _

Renjun purses his lips in worry, before walking behind Donghyuck and placing a hand on his shoulder. "What got your panties in a twist?" 

Donghyuck raises his head towards Renjun with a pout. "Junnie."

Renjun takes place on the chair beside Donghyuck, holding his hand. "What's wrong, sweetie?" 

"Do you know what today is?" 

Renjun nods. "Of course. It's your two years anniversary with Mark."

"Even you remember." Donghyuck exclaims loudly, clearly upset. "While I am sure Mark doesn't." 

"I am sure he does. Maybe he just wants to surprise you." Renjun assures in made up confidence. 

"I doubt." 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mark comes to their apartment around lunch. He doesn't say anything. And just from his thoughts, Renjun can tell the boy has truly forgotten all about today. And one look at Renjun, and Donghyuck realizes that fact too.

He sulks even more, not finding it in himself to eat, his appetite getting worse the more he watches Mark inhale the food in front of him. 

Jeno glances between the three, thick eyebrows furrowing at the scene, before asking Mark. "Hey, buddy. Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?" Mark questions in confusion. 

"WHAT?" Renjun and Donghyuck choruses in bewilderment after him.

Jeno jumps at the sound, looking at his flatmate in puzzlement. "I just felt like he was forgetting something from Donghyuck's behavior." 

_ Jeno! Can you hear my thoughts  _

_ No seriously! Jun! Can he hear my thoughts _

"I don't know! Gosh" Renjun snaps out loud, shocking the others at the table, before quickly apologizing. "Sorry, I must have been thinking out loud. My bad."

"Wait." Mark exclaims. "Please don't tell me it's our anniversary today."

Donghyuck groans, standing up from his seat. "Jun, don't stop me, because I don't care anymore. I am breaking up with him. I swear to god."

"Oh my god, guys. I didn't mean to start anything." Jeno exclaims, and then glances at Renjun guiltily. "Did I cause this?" 

Renjun pats Jeno's thigh from under the table. "Don't worry about it. It was bound to happen."

"I am about to get broken up with and you find time to be mushy?" Mark accuses, making both boys flustered. 

Renjun sighs, feeling like crying over the racing thoughts in his head. "Guys, please. You're giving me a headache." 

Donghyuck calms down at that, before glancing at Mark. "Let's do this privately. Renjun doesn't deserve this." 

Jeno pouts. "What about me?"

"And you too,I guess." Donghyuck adds offhandedly just so Jeno doesn’t get suspicious. 

  
  


Mark and Donghyuck seem to make up, going on a date right after whatever conversation they had in Donghyuck's room. 

This comes as a relief to both Jeno and Renjun, who are now lazing in the living room. 

"Should we go on our own hangout?" Jeno asks. 

_ Like a date?  _ Renjun wonders but doesn't vocalize the question. Instead he agrees. "There's a pretty park around here in which I go to paint. Wanna go there?" 

Jeno grins. "Of course." 

  
  
  
  


They end up making a little picnic out of their hangout. Sitting by the pond in the park, eating snacks they brought with them and talking about this and that. 

"I can't believe how much my life changed in these few months." Jeno finds himself saying. 

Renjun stares at him intensely. "Same."

Jeno turns to him in question. "Huh?"

Renjun smiles. "We might have changed a lot of aspects in your life but you were a positive change in ours too."

Jeno grins, cheeks coloring. "I am glad. Because to be honest with you, I have been feeling quite indebted to you. And I don't feel like I am doing anything to pay it back."

"Jenoo." Renjun whines. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop thinking about it that way. Plus, you already did a lot for me. You were there for me in the café last time. And you might not know it but you taught me a lot of things about myself and about life."

Jeno scoffs. "Are you sure you're talking about me?"

Renjun nods confidently. "You might not realize your impact on people. But your impact on my life is huge and I am really appreciative for it." 

"Well then I guess we can both feel grateful for each other."

"Yes." Renjun smiles. "And without feeling guilty."

Jeno laughs. "Deal."

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hey, Jaemin." Jeno calls during one of their movie nights. They find themselves binge watching a random series on Netflix after being ditched by Mark and Donghyuck for another date. 

Jaemin turns around to Jeno, barely making out his features in the darkness. "Hmm?" 

"How did you manage to get your bike placed on your wall?" 

Renjun tries not to giggle under the blanket on the other side of the couch Jeno is laying in.

Jaemin on the other hand laughs. "Placed on the wall? You think I just have it fixed there?"

Jeno shrugs. "I don't know. Can you actually get it down from there?" 

"Of course." Jaemin exclaims. "I need to use it after all." 

Jeno sits up excitedly, reaching out to smack Jaemin's leg that's dangling from the two seats couch. "You should have told me! I love biking." 

Jaemin laughs. "I literally have a bike. I don't know what's more obvious than that."

Renjun snickers. "Jeno is just slow that way."

"What does that supposed to mean?" Jeno whines and Renjun tries not to reach over and pinch his cheeks. 

Ignoring Renjun's smirking face, but albeit difficulty, Jeno turns to Jaemin. "Can we go biking together? I bet it would be great." 

Jaemin plays with his hands under the quilt thrown over him. "I haven't been going out that much, though." 

_ All I do is stay in my room and think about killing myself.  _

Renjun freezes, heartbeat thumping in his ears as he sees the scene in front of him unfold in a blurr, unsure if he heard the words thought by Jaemin right. 

They resonated in his mind so loud and clear though, he feels he can't pretend they didn't happen.

"Oh, come on. You need to tag along with me." Jeno says cheerfully, unaware of everything going around him. "I am sure you will love it."

Jaemin smiles dully. "I'll see."

_ I really don't have the motivation to do anything though, let alone leave home and bike _

_ But I miss biking  _

_ This is so fucking depressing _

_ I am tired of this  _

_ Gosh _

Renjun stands, approaching Jaemin slowly with each sentence. He hovers over the boy, still sat on the couch, and tries not to crumble. 

"Jaemin. Can we talk, please?" He then quickly adds when he catches one of Jaemin's thoughts. "Alone. If that's okay."

"Euh, okay sure." Jaemin mumbles hesitantly. And suddenly Renjun can't really make out Jaemin's thoughts. Either because the boy blocked them or he's thinking of trivial things that Renjun can't tell apart from his own thoughts. 

"Is anything wrong?" Jeno asks in worry before complaining. "You always do this when I am around. Why all the secrecy?" 

Renjun sighs, Jeno's concern suffocating him even more than he already was from Jaemin's thoughts. "I'll explain it soon. But for now, I really need to speak to Jaemin."

"Okay, then." Jaemin says more calmly now. And Renjun can't seem to get a hold of the other's thoughts. "Let's go to my room."

The moment they set foot in the room and Jaemin closes the door, a heavy tension falls on them. Renjun fumbles with his hands, unsure of what to say now that he's faced with Jaemin, but the latter relieves him of starting the conversation when he accuses. 

_ You read minds, don't you? _

Renjun takes back the feeling of relief that he almost had. 

"I don't. " he blurts. 

Jaemin scoffs as he sits on his bed. "I didn't say that out loud."

Renjun steps back, until he hits the corner of Jaemin's desk. He holds into it to keep his balance, eyes shaking as he fails to fix them at anything in front of him. "How'd you know?" 

"I heard one of your conversations with Donghyuck back when I moved in. And since you aren't the first mind reader I meet, it wasn't that much of a shock. I mean, that's why I was so good with blocking my thoughts this whole time. I had good practice already."

Renjun purses his lips in thought, trying to take in Jaemin's words. "Why didn't you block them this time though?" 

"I-" Jaemin runs a hand over his hair. "You made it sound as if you can't read minds when Jeno came around. And I was roped into it."

"That's because I  _ can't  _ read Jeno's mind." 

This time Jaemin looks surprised, and Renjun wonders if it's a good change from the indifference he was emitting. "Why?" 

Renjun shrugs. "I still haven't figured it out." 

They sit in the same tension, now tinged with confusion and apprehension. 

But then Renjun remembers why he decided to talk to Jaemin in the first place, so he breaks the silence. "What's wrong though, Jaemin? I understand now why you were warry og me at first and why you pushed me away. But I hope now that we got a little close, you know that I would hear you out with no judgment and that you can tell me anything." 

Jaemin seems to think through his words before talking. And all the while, Renjun makes sure to focus on anything but the latter's thoughts. "Why bring up my thoughts now? And not last time in my room when I was truly going through it?" 

Renjun thinks back to that time, remembering how hard he tried to block the boy's thoughts, before explaining. "I was actually trying to muffle your thoughts and focus on your body language like I learned to do with Jeno. But it takes a lot of focus so I didn't do it today since we were just watching a movie so I didn't think you'd think of something I shouldn't hear." 

"I see." Jaemin muses. "I would love to tell you I don't get these thoughts a lot but I would be lying."

Renjun finally starts to feel his body relaxing, the tension between the boys slowly dissipating. "And are you comfortable with talking about it?" 

Jaemin averts his eyes, bitting on his lips nervously. "It's a lot to unload on one person. Especially, on one setting. But I can start with saying that I have been dealing with anxiety and depression since I moved in here. And since I didn't wanna subject you to my dark thoughts I always took drastic measures to block my thoughts."

Renjun nods in comprehensively. "Thank you for telling me. I bet that was difficult. Plus, Donghyuck and I thought you were being cold so we were just as cold back. I am sorry for that."

"It's fine." Jaemin mutters in faked nonchalance. 

"It's not fine." Renjun pushes. "But I'll try to change. Since Jeno moved in I have been trying to change my perception of people and what I know of them through their thoughts. And hopefully you will notice some change soon." 

Jaemin smiles softly. "I already see change."

Renjun mirrors the smile. "I am glad. I hope this is just the beginning of a flourishing friendship." 

Jaemin laughs. "Only you would use the word 'flourishing'." 

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Maybe if you listened to Chungha you would."

  
  
  
  
  
  


Renjun doesn't meet Donghyuck for a few days after that. And it wouldn’t be alarming if they weren't attached to the hips on normal days. Thankfully, he catches a glimpse of him at campus, and runs towards him, pushing and bumping into people uncarringly. 

He heaves when he reaches him, holding into the back of his coat as he tries to catch his breath.

"What the fu-" Donghyuck starts to say before cutting his sentence short when he notices Renjun. "Oh god. What are you doing?" 

Renjun raises his head, a murderous glint in his eyes. "I wouldn't have caught you otherwise."

Donghyuck seems to look guilty but Renjun can't tell of what exactly, when his head is full of strangers' thoughts. "Do me a favor and get me out of here." 

Donghyuck nods, pulling Renjun to a coffee shop nearby. Which is ironically the one Jeno works at. The latter perks at their appearance, and his excitement quells Renjun's anxiety. 

They chat briefly with him as he makes their orders, and when Ten comes to lecture him for slacking off he lights up when seeing Renjun and Donghyuck, enthusiastically introducing himself to the other boy. 

They finally get to leave to a table by the corner once their orders are done, and Renjun thanks the high heavens for how empty the place is. 

Donghyuck seems to be nervous, as he attempts to pick up small talk. But Renjun cuts him in quickly, not wanting to waste time beating around the bush. 

"Are you avoiding me?" 

The question only pikes Donghyuck nerves, who seems to be looking at everything but Renjun. "No." He yelps.

Renjun snickers. "You couldn't make it sound any less convincing." He then sighs. "What's up though? You only do this when you don't want me to hear your thoughts."

Donghyuck melts in his seat in resignation. "There's no escape from you, is there?" 

Renjun grins. "We're here for the long run, honey. You knew that since the start." 

Donghyuck smiles, and albeit it's a small and tired quirk of the lips, but it's still a smile so Renjun counts it as a win. "I- basically mine and Mark's relationship has been a bit rocky these days and I didn't want to worry you."

Renjun frowns deeply. "That's silly thinking. And plus, you're worrying me more by avoiding me."

Donghyuck plays with the hem of his sleeve. "I know now. I am sorry."

"And you know I wouldn't be nosy if you don't want me to. Right?" 

Donghyuck looks tentatively at him. "Wouldn't you?" 

Renjun colors. "I mean.. "

"I just wanted to deal with it on my own. Plus, we are all busy dealing with studies. Add to it the whole ordeal with Jeno. You must be exhausted and I really didn't wanna add to it."

"Donghyuck," Renjun pouts. "You know I'll always be there for you. I will always have spare energy and time for my favorite boy." 

Donghyuck's eyes glaze over and he reaches his arms for his best friend. The latter understands the gesture and quickly walks up to Donghyuck to give him a warm hug. "It's gonna be okay, hyuckie."

Donghyuck clutches on his friend, nestling his face deeply in his neck. "I hope so."

  
  
  
  
  
  


The next day, and during breakfast, Jeno asks curiously. 

"What was that about?" 

Renjun raises his head, spoon still in his mouth. "What do you mean?"

Jeno grimaces. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Renjun swallows down the cereal before speaking. "I am sorry, I am sorry. So, you were saying?"

"Yesterday. With Donghyuck," Jeno explains. "Not to snoop or anything but I would lie if I said I am not concerned." 

And Renjun can feel Jeno's strong feeling of concern, so he answers him truthfully. "I think Mark and Donghyuck are going through a rough patch but I am sure they will be okay soon."

"Ah." Jeno mumbles. "I hope so too." 

Renjun nods. "I have never seen Donghyuck happier than when he is with Mark. I really don't want anything to happen to them."

"I am sure nothing will." Jeno assures. "They have a strong bond, you can tell it right away. I am sure they will get past this as well." 

"Me too." 

Jenk smiles reassuringly, before asking. "So, do you have any plans for this afternoon? I want to do something since we both don't have class."

Renjun pounders before shaking his head. "Not any that I recall." 

"So, how about we go to that park you like? You can draw pretty pictures and I can watch you do that." Jeno grins. 

Renjun laughs heartedly. "Wouldn't you get bored?"

Jeno shakes his head. "I bet it would be as therapeutic as drawing."

"Aaw." Renjun coos. "Are you trying to make me feel better? Is this what this outing is about, Lee Jeno?"

Jeno colors, and even without having to feel it, Renjun can tell he's nervous by the way he scratches at his neck. "I just thought it would be nice."

"It would." Renjun smiles sweetly. "I am in."

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was such a filler chapter for the chaos that's about to ensue lol
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and please be prepared for what's to come :DD 
> 
> Kudos and comments are really appreciated <33 tell me what you think !!!


	6. Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honey.. you got a big storm coming

Renjun and Jeno choose to sit at the same spot at the park as the last time. Jeno starts placing around the snacks they brought with them on the mat they laid out while Renjun unpacks his drawing utensils. 

They chat freely in the process, and Renjun is amazed at the way Jeno is able to make him smile and laugh just so easily. 

He tries not to dwell on that thought, or the feelings that come with being around Jeno, though. He can worry about that later. For now, he takes the chips bag that Jeno offers him and smiles at the other boy in thanks. 

"So," Jeno starts as he chews on a gummy bear. "What are you planning to draw?"

Renjun shrugs. "Whatever I see."

Jeno smacks his lips loudly. "Fun." 

"That better not be sarcastic." Renjun warns and Jeno laughs. 

"I would never."

Renjun nods in satisfaction, deciding on believing Jeno. Because if he learnt anything from these two months of knowing the boy, it is that Jeno is always genuine. And even when Renjun doesn't have access to his thoughts, he knows Jeno wouldn't ever deliberately hurt anyone. 

He almost audibly groans when he realizes he's once again delving deeply into thinking of Jeno. And he finds it kind of ironic how the one time he found someone whom he can be around without having their thoughts cloud his, his mind is still clouded with thoughts of said person nonetheless. 

Renjun focuses back on the canvas in front of him, hoping drawing can distract him from his thoughts. 

  
  
  


Drawing does distract him from his thoughts, especially when Jeno starts playing music on his speakers and humming along. But what Renjun horrifyingly and belatedly realizes, is that drawing hasn't distracted him from Jeno. Not when his drawing is a depiction of the smiling boy.

He wonders if he should throw the drawing into the pond and pretend it's just a silly mistake from him. Or maybe he can spill black paint all over it to conceal the actual drawing and act as it's an accident. Anything so Jeno doesn't see it. 

But he doesn't act quickly enough, as Jeno is already leaning closer to him once the song that was playing ends. "What did you draw?" 

Renjun's cheeks color as he watches Jeno take in the drawing, his eyes taking in every detail, as his gaze moves from one part to another. "You drew me?" 

"I mean I did say I'll draw whatever I see." Renjun exclaims in an attempt to save himself from the embarrassment befallen on him. 

"It's beautiful." Jeno compliments before adding humoursly. "I bet my smile isn't actually this pretty."

"It is." Renjun finds himself blurting, before coughing awkwardly. "I mean I only drew what was in front of me."

Jeno smiles, and Renjun bites down on his tongue to stop himself from telling the other boy that he can never capture the actual beauty of Jeno's smile. 

"If you think so."

"I know so."

Jeno's cheeks turn red at that, as he sits back on his side of the mat. "I didn't take you to be the flattering type of a person, Huang."

Renjun scoffs. "That's cause I am not."

Renjun is grateful Jeno doesn't ask about the drawing any further, not even when Renjun takes it with him to his room and doesn't offer it to Jeno. And through it all, Renjun surprises himself when he wonders no more about Jeno's thoughts, too busy dissecting his own. 

  
  
  
  


Midterms creep on them soon after. Renjun can't believe it's already mid November, but he attempts to ignore that thought. Distracting himself fully with studies. 

Jeno and Donghyuck seem to be doing the same as he rarely sees them except in the kitchen at weird times of the day. And when he does cross paths with them, he only hears thoughts of lessons from Donghyuck and complaints from Jeno as the other recites to him again and again how he has to do well to keep his scholarship and just how difficult architecture is. 

Jaemin, on the other hand, seems to be nowhere. And Renjun worries for the boy who's either nowhere at home or cooped up in his own room for longer than comfortable. 

Renjun keeps his worries to himself, though. Willing himself to focus on his studies and nothing else. The more ready he is for his exams, the less nervous he would be, which will make it easier for him to focus on his answers rather than getting distracted by his classmates' thoughts. 

He's successful with doing that, for the most part, during his first week of midterms. To the point where he finds it in himself to make a visit to the library during the week. The place is full as expected, but Renjun studied long enough in this university to know the quieter parts of the library. 

He goes straight to the third floor, finding a quiet and calm space tucked between shelves of books and a tall window. He forgoes listening to music as he feels nobody's presence around, his focus directed solely on his notes. 

He isn't sure how much time has passed when he gets distracted by an intrusive train of thoughts. He ignores it at first, reaching for his earphones, stuffed deep in his bag, but before he finds them, he hears a certain familiar name. 

_I don't know how I'll tell Donghyuck._

_This is killing me._

Renjun freezes in his place, hand deep in his bag and heartbeat thumping in his ears.

_How the fuck do you bring up to your boyfriend that you're in love with another boy who's conveniently your roommate?_

Renjun's blood runs cold at the words, his eyes seeing red and all he can hear is static noise as he feels rage bubbling inside of him. 

He stands up with a purpose, striding to where he can hear movements. He finds Mark between bookshelves, looking around with a distracted expression. The latter's eyes fall on him, and they widen in recognition. "Renjun, wh-" 

Before he can get the rest of his question out, Renjun sends him falling back with a punch square in the face. Mark staggers, holding the side of his face in pain. "What is wrong with you?" 

"What's wrong with me?" Renjun whisper-yells, not wanting to draw any attention to them. "What's up with your fucking thoughts?"

Mark's face bleaches, and Renjun loses any hope of getting an explanation out of the other boy. His rage comes back at full force at the guilty expression on Mark's face, and he shoves him harshly on the wooden shelves behind him, forearm pushing on his neck aggressively. 

Mark makes a choking noise as he pats on Renjun's arm to let go. "Listen, I can explain." 

Renjun sighs and relaxes his arm a little, but he keeps the other boy pushed up the shelves. "Go on." 

"I still love Donghyuck." Mark confesses. "I just also love Yukhei."

Renjun rolls his eyes. "I don't care about your polyamorous feelings, Mark. I only care about Donghyuck's feelings. So tell me," he spits as he pushes Mark back again. "Did you do anything with Yukhei while dating my friend?" 

Mark's face goes even paler and Renjun contemplates punching his nose this time, breaking the bone there. He fights that desire as he waits for Mark to answer, rage clouding his mind the more Mark keeps quiet. 

"Answer."

"It was a mistake." Mark barely makes out before receiving a blow to the abdomen. 

"How many times?" Renjun asks numbly as he steps back and watches Mark double over in pain. "Once? Twice?" 

Mark coughs as he stays crouched down, which only prompts Renjun to send him to the floor with his foot. "I asked how many times?" He shrieks. 

"I don't know." Mark mumbles. 

Renjun's face turns red in anger, and he wonders how much damage he can do to Mark before someone notices the commotion they are making. 

Before he can get another kick on Mark, the latter speaks up. "I feel so bad, Renjun. You know me. I would never dream to do something to hurt Donghyuck. I honestly don't know what came on me."

"I don't give a single flying fuck about your sob story, Lee." Renjun says menacingly. "You would never dream of hurting Donghyuck, you say? Yet you still find it in yourself to make the same mistake over and over again without a second thought about your boyfriend of two years?" 

Renjun doesn't wait for a reply from Mark.

"Pathetic." He deadpans before leaving the boy on the floor, packing his stuff hurriedly, and leaving the place. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Renjun feels bile rising up his throat as he walks home. He wonders how he will tell Donghyuck what happened, and wonders how he can live with the knowledge that he would be one of the reasons such hurt will be inflicted on his best friend. 

He knew it wasn't his fault, but he still despises Mark for putting him in such a position. One where he has to break it to his friend and watch the hurt and pain wash over him and his thoughts. 

When he reaches home, he still feels nauseated all the same. And he prays to god that his friend isn't home, which will postpone this dreading situation for him. 

But to his cursed luck, he finds Donghyuck's door open, while the boy himself sits at his desk, going through a thick book. 

Renjun walks there quietly, knocking softly on Donghyuck door before entering, and closing the door behind him. 

Donghyuck raises his head from the book in his hands, smiling tiredly at Renjun once his eyes fall on him. "What's up?" 

Renjun breathes deeply, heart still beating so fast he feels it might jump out of his chest any moment now, while the same static noise is heard in his mind. 

"Mark." He says the name monotonously, trying to mask his unadulterated rage. 

Donghyuck's face pales, as if aware of what's to come, and Renjun isn't sure if that's for the better or for the worse. 

"What's with Mark?" 

"I heard his thoughts," Renjun starts, hands balled up in fists by his sides, his nails digging deep in his palms. "He's-" Renjun pauses, mulling over his words.

He should have thought through what he would tell Donghyuck, he feels unsure about his decisions, but it has to be done. 

He sighs before saying through gritted teeth. 

"He's cheating on you."

"No, he's not." Is weirdly the first thing Donghyuck says, eyes blown out in shock and glistening with tears. 

"I am telling you I heard his thoughts. He's in love with Yukhei."

"Y-Yukhei?" Donghyuck's lips tremble. "That can't be. They are just close friends."

Renjun groans in frustration. "Are you listening to me, Hyuck? He confessed it to me. To be fair to him, he claims to still be in love with you. But does it matter when he said he did things with Yukhei he shouldn't have, while you two were in a monogamous relationship?" 

Donghyuck's face slowly morphs from hurt and betrayal to anger and irritation. "And why are you telling me this? Why didn't you give him the chance to be the one to tell me? Why didn't you give him the chance to apologize first? Huh?" He stands up, walking up to Renjun and shoving him forcefully. "What happened to not wanting to invade people's privacy? What about Mark's? You think you're entitled to his thoughts just because you're friends?" 

Renjun looks at his best friend in shock and bewilderment. "Are you fucking serious right now?" 

"Of course." Donghyuck exclaims loudly. "Why are you sticking your nose in someone else's business? Maybe if he told me himself I would have forgiven him. What's it to you?" 

"Are you fucking listening to yourself?" Renjun screams in desperation. "That's extremely toxic thinking, Donghyuck. You can't tell me you would have liked it better if I didn't tell you your boyfriend of two years has been cheating, probably getting fucked by his roommate, behind your back?" 

Donghyuck scoffs, going back to sit at his desk, back facing Renjun. "Yes. I would have liked it better." 

Renjun snickers bitterly. "You're messed up." He starts moving towards the door before saying. "I hope you enjoy being in denial."

"I-" 

But Renjun leaves before hearing whatever nonsense Donghyuck has to say.

  
  
  
  


Renjun slams the door of his room loudly behind him, throwing himself on his bed as he starts crying into his pillow. 

He feels heartbroken, wronged and betrayed, mixed with even more pathetic feelings. He wonders how Donghyuck found it in himself to find forgiveness for Mark and not for him. He wonders why it's so easy for Donghyuck to turn vile against his best friend of over ten years because of a boyfriend of two. 

He sobs loudly into his pillow, choking between his tears. 

And it's only when he calms down, tears drying on his cheeks and staining his pillow that he hears a knock on his door. 

He isn't sure who he expects, and doesn't dwell long about how he would react if it is Donghyuck. It's as likely that the other boy would come to ask for forgiveness as him coming to pick another fight, and Renjun doesn't want to think about either option. 

He breathes deeply as he stands in front of his door, wiping his cheeks again and running a hand through his hair in an attempt to fix it, before he opens the door. 

He's both surprised and relieved when he finds Jeno behind the door. The latter has an hesitant small smile on his face, and Renjun finds the silence that follows him welcoming. He doesn't think he can survive being subjected to someone's thoughts right now.

"Do you want anything?" Renjun asks, feigning being fine. 

"Can I come in?" Jeno asks shyly.

Renjun quirks an eyebrow in curiosity, unable to guess what the other boy might need from him, but he pushes the door so Jeno could enter nonetheless. "Of course."

Jeno walks to his bed and sits quietly, watching Renjun as he comes to sit by him, so close their hands brush on the bed. 

"Are you doing okay?" Jeno asks in worry, and Renjun tries not to drown in his dark eyes. 

"Did you come here just to ask me that?" 

Jeno grins softly, comforted that Renjun still finds it in himself to be witty. "I don't know what exactly happened cause I couldn't make out what you were saying, but I think it's safe to assume you had a fight with Donghyuck." 

"Ah." Renjun mumbles, feeling crushed under the weight of Jeno's concerned feelings. "If that's the case then no, I am not okay." He finds himself admitting, high on Jeno's company. 

Jeno frowns. "Is there something I can do to help? I am so stupid! I didn't actually think through coming to check up on you so I am not sure I know how to comfort you." 

Renjun chuckles. "Being yourself is enough."

Jeno nods but still looks unsatisfied. 

"Actually," he suddenly says, eyes lightening up. "If it helps, I actually had a falling out with all of my friends before moving here. So, we are on the same boat." He wiggles his eyebrows at that. 

Renjun feels like both slapping the stupid expression off his face and kissing it away. 

He stores the random, dangerous thought away before saying. "Why would that comfort me? Now I'll just hurt for you as well."

Jeno pouts and it only intensifies Renjun's desire to kiss him. 

"I thought that you would like it that we both have similar experiences. It might make you feel less alone." 

Renjun muses over the words said to him before asking quietly. 

"Did you feel alone?" 

Jeno looks up from the random spot he was staring at on the floor to meet eyes with Renjun. It makes Renjun's heart beat quickly, but extremely different than the way Mark and Donghyuck caused its pace to quicken up. 

"I guess so. Yeah." Jeno mumbles softly, looking totally vulnerable under Renjun's gaze. "They found out I was gay and turned against me. Even outed me to my parents. I felt totally alone, with no family, friends, and a place to stay. Since my parents basically disowned me and my friends that I lived with turned against me." He breathes deeply, feeling his heart heavy in his chest, Renjun feeling the same heart-wrenching feeling. "Living through that was horrible. I sometimes question how I was able to make it through. But now that I am here, I don't think I can have it any other way."

Renjun gasps. "How can you say that? After all the bullshit you went through."

Jeno smiles. "Having homphobic friends and family is sadly very likely. I was sure I would have to experience it at some point. And once I did, I thought that's all I'll ever experience. But then I moved in here and met you, and Jaemin and Donghyuck and Mark and even Yukhei, and received so much support and care in such a short time, which is so rare that it makes me wonder just how lucky am I to be getting this."

Renjun ignores Jeno mentioning people he would rather not think about, reaching for the boy's hand and holding it gently. "You deserve every ounce of care and support, though. I hope you know that."

Jeno gives him a toothy smile. "I know." 

"Good."

"This isn't about me, though." Jeno reminds. "I am here to give you support back. But, I think I am doing a bad job at it."

Renjun giggles. "You're doing great. Don't worry about it."

"Do you want to talk about it, though?"

Renjun sighs, resting his head on Jeno's shoulder, finding the position extremely comforting. "I don't think so." 

"Alright." Jeno answers, running his thumb against Renjun's knuckles, and the latter wants to tell him that nothing can be as comforting as Jeno's warm and quiet company by his side. 

  
  
  
  


Renjun isn't sure how he manages to finish his midterms after the whole fiasco with his best friend. Both Donghyuck and Mark avoid him to their best abilities while Jeno makes sure not to leave his side when he can, being his strongest anchor through it all. 

Once midterms are over, Jeno suggests for Renjun to join him and Jaemin on one of their biking trips, something Jeno has forced Jaemin to join him through with his very graceful convincing skills. 

Renjun tries to get out of it with the excuse of not having a bike, but Jeno assures him they can rent one at the park, and that's how Renjun finds himself biking tiredly behind his two speeding roommates. 

He would be lying though if he claims that it doesn't make him feel better. The chilly air that blows against his face feels refreshing, and speeding through people makes it that Renjun doesn't catch any of their thoughts. This way, he feels almost alone with nature, and even if it's exhausting he decides that it's worth it. 

He starts slowing down to a stop when they start biking up a small hill, panting heavily as he watches the two figures in front of him disappearing. But before they disappear completely, one of them makes a u-turn, pedaling towards Renjun. 

He soon realizes that Jeno is the one approaching him, as he stops right in front of him. "Are you tired?" 

"You bet yourself I am." 

Jeno laughs before getting off his bike. "Let's take a break then. Plus, I think we are in dire need for water and snacks." 

"What about Jaemin?" Renjun asks, getting off his bike like Jeno in favors of walking it beside him. 

"He's enjoying himself. He'll join us soon." Jeno exclaims joyfully. "I told him he wouldn't regret these outings but he almost didn't believe me." 

"You did well." Renjun praises before laughing when Jeno seems to have enjoyed the compliment a bit too much. "Were you waiting for someone to tell you that?"

Jeno giggles. "That's a secret I'll never tell. Xoxo." 

Renjun snorts, pushing on Jeno's shoulder. "You're so fucking lame." 

"You like me anyways." Jeno boasts. 

"That I do." Renjun finds himself admitting. 

  
  
  
  


Renjun becomes a repeating participant in Jeno and Jaemin's biking trips. The activity growing on him after several tries. And he grows a particular liking to it after that one time Jeno discards his own bike in lieu of renting a bike for two and taking Renjun for a ride. 

That in itself becomes a reoccurring event. Even so, Jaemin doesn't seize the way he wiggles his eyebrows at them whenever he passes them, smiling at the sight of Renjun hugging Jeno's waist and resting his head between his shoulders. 

Renjun blushes every time, finding it regretful that he can't see Jeno's face to check if the same rosy shade decorates his face. But he finds the embarrassment bearable when he gets to enjoy Jeno's company to the fullest. 

And in those moments, he feels spoiled. With the same refreshing chilly wind hitting his face but with the added warmth of Jeno's body hugged against his chest. And the same silence that Renjun can only enjoy by himself or with Jeno, but paired with feelings of contentment and joy. 

And it all feels good, too good, that Renjun feels guilty when he gets heartbroken everytime Donghyuck leaves the room when he enters or when he locks himself the whole day in his room to avoid crossing paths with Renjun. 

But Renjun tries not to show it, so Jeno doesn't feel that his efforts are going to vain. 

That's why when it gets just too unbearable, Renjun finds himself making his way to Jaemin's room. 

He walks into the dark room after Jaemins lets him in, and takes seat at his desk, while Jaemin throws himself back on his bed. 

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Jaemin jokingly asks, propping his head on his palm while he stares intersetedly at Renjun. 

"I want to ask you some questions." Renjun starts hesitantly. "It might be a bit personal so if it makes you uncomfortable to answer then that's totally fine." 

Jaemin's face takes on a somber expression as he hears that, gesturing for Renjun to go ahead and speak. 

"So, I don't know if you know or if Jeno told you, but I had a nasty fight with Donghyuck and also Mark, and I have been feeling like shit ever since." He explains. "Jeno has been trying to comfort me these days and it's working, but just in that instant. While when he's not around I always feel down and keep on getting self deprecating thoughts." 

He heaves a sigh, focusing on his thoughts to dull down Jaemin's. "I just wanted to ask you how you deal with your own dark thoughts? How can you get out of this tunnel once you're in it?"

Jaemin grimaces and so Renjun quickly adds. "You don't have to answer me if you wish to. And you don't have to worry about your thoughts since I am successfully blocking them, for the most part at least."

"Well," Jaemin starts, smiling in resignation. "I simply don't." 

Renjun tilts his head. "What do you mean?" 

"I don't deal with them and I am still yet to get out of that dark and long tunnel." He answers regrettably. 

"Oh." Renjun mumbles. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but don't you think maybe counseling or therapy can help you?" 

Jaemin laughs to himself. "Of course I do, that's why I am working my ass off to be able to afford it." 

"Ah." 

"Actually," Jaemin starts and from his facial expression Renjun can tell he still is unsure if he really wants to tell this to Renjun. "I dropped out of university."

"Oh." Renjun says before quickly apologizing. "I am sorry I keep saying that but I am just surprised. "

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." 

Renjun pounders over what Jaemin told him before deciding to delve more into the subject, if Jaemin doesn't want to talk about it he wouldn't have mentioned it. 

"Why did you drop out, though?" 

"I didn't like my major, and I had a bad burnout last year. It only made my mental state worse, so against my parents wishes and my rational side and with only my best friend's support, I dropped out."

"So, all the times you were thinking of projects, it was fake? Just to block your thoughts?" 

"I mean yes and no. It _was_ to block my thoughts but they were also thoughts about my current job. I couldn't really escape my major, so my only solution was to work something related to it to get quick money. Working with it is actually better than whatever hell university made me go through. And even if I still hate it, I can push through till I save enough money." 

Renjun nods, eyes shining with admiration for Jaemin. "And you tell me you're not dealing with it? You're doing all of this to survive, and get the help you need and deserve and you think you're not dealing with it? I mean you might not be out of the tunnel yet but you sure know what to do to get there eventually." 

Jaemin purses his lips, looking both parts amazed and doubtful of Renjun's opinion. "I mean you have a point. But if that's the case then so are you. The reality might be crushing you but you still find the will to join me and Jeno in biking and you keep a smile on yourself for your friends and you're able to enjoy the moment when you're with them. That should count for something too. The same thing that pushed me to join Jeno to bike with him and kept me going is the same one that made you join us and kept you coming with us. Don't you think?" 

Renjun nods. "I didn't see it that way." 

"So yeah, you're dealing with it just like me. Hell, you're better than me because whereas I just cower on myself and distance myself from people whenever I drown in darkness, you're actually reaching out for help. That's very courageous of you." 

Renjun cheeks color. "Thank you." He then adds. "But that doesn't take away from your courage. What you are going through is ten folds worse than what I am going through, and you are also sharing it with your best friend and even opening to me now. You shouldn't turn a blind eye to your own merit"

Jaemin laughs. "We both seem to be blind to our own efforts."

"I guess so." Renjun chuckles. "I mean I am always here to remind you of that. And I hope you can let me join you through your journey of recovery. I know you already have your best friend, but I am also here for you."

"Thank you, Renjun. It means a lot to me " Jaemin says in appreciation, before adding. "And if you want to take my advice, try to open up to Jeno. I know you don't want to worry him, but that's inevitable. Even your silence can be worrying. And I know you are most comfortable with him-" 

"I-" 

"Hey, it's fine." Jaemin smiles reassuringly. "It's partially my fault for distancing myself so much and partially because of the fact that you can't read his mind. I bet that has helped you to be more yourself around him. So, really, just try opening up to him and I am sure you'll find great relief in that."

Renjun nods. "You might be onto something. I'll try to do that."

  
  
  


Renjun doesn't tell Jeno for a while, satisfied with spending time with him and occasionally, though rarely, ranting to Jaemin. And for a hot minute there, he believes the illusion of being fine that he has created and just runs with it. 

But then reality comes crashing on him when the winter break rolls in and Donghyuck mentions nothing about their usual trip back to his hometown. 

Renjun waits patiently for the invite. Giving excuses to what he still calls his best friend. Maybe the boy has forgotten, or is still pretending to hate him and will come around last minute. So when the first day of winter breaks comes and Donghyuck leaves with his packed clothes and no invite for him, Renjun breaks. 

He knocks on Jeno's door with tears streaming down his face, and before the boy at the door can say anything about it he bolts towards Jeno's bed, hiding his face under the pillows there. 

He senses the bed dip beside him, before feeling Jeno's hand running up and down his back in a comforting motion. He doesn't say anything or ask any questions, letting Renjun cry it out as he sits patiently by him.

And it's exactly what Renjun needs, as he almost feels Jeno's aura hugging him. 

Once his sobs and haggard breaths calm down, he turns on his back, wiping his cheeks before peeking from under the pillows at Jeno. 

"Did I disturb you?"

"Not at all." Jeno assures. "What's the matter though? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I actually do." Renjun answers, sitting up properly. 

Jeno smiles softly. "Go ahead then."

"Mark cheated on Donghyuck with Yukhei." He retells flatly, ignoring the irritation that tries to gnaw at his consciousness. "I found out about it and the first thing I did is tell Donghyuck. Like I suppose any best friend would do, right?"

"Of course." Jeno answers, lines decorating his forehead, a telltale for Renjun of the severity in which Jeno is taking the situation, when Renjun can't tell otherwise from his thoughts. 

"But instead of being mad at Mark, Donghyuck turned it against me. He blamed me, yelled at me and made me the bad guy for telling him and not giving Mark the chance to explain himself."

Jeno nods, letting Renjun the space to express himself. 

"That was bad but I could have lived with it. But then Donghyuck was avoiding me all the fucking time and he went back home for winter break without me." Renjun's voice cracks at the last words, lips trembling. "We always go together. He left me to spend the holidays alone."

Jeno's heart shatters at the weak sound of Renjun's voice. And following his impulse, he pulls the other boy into a hug. Renjun melts into his arms, sobbing quietly in his embrace and staining his black t-shirt with his tears. 

"It's going to be okay." Jeno says after a while. "Or more so, we will do our best to make it okay." 

Renjun raises his head to look at Jeno with sad eyes full of hope. "How?"

"Well, we are both rejects that will spend their holidays cooped up in this apartment all alone." Jeno answers. "So, I say we do everything to make the best out of it." 

A smile blossoms on Renjun's face at the words. "I like the sound of that." 

Jeno blushes at the sweet smile on Renjun's face, which is just a bit too close to his own.

"I did tell you I got you as well."

And when relief washes over Renjun as he nestles his face into Jeno's neck, he realizes that Jaemin was absolutely correct.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter

**Author's Note:**

> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/rennabibi) if anyone wanna share their thoughts there
> 
> [my Twitter](https://twitter.com/rennabibi) it's new that's why it's so empty lol but I would love to interact with you there !! So hit me up if you want and I might also post some spoilers if you're into that
> 
> All the love <33


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